Civics Lesson

By J L Puckett

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All characters herein belong to Marvel except for Andy the Android; not that Marvel would want her anyway. I am not making any money off of this.

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"I dinnae think this is a good idea, Em. "

"I don't think so either but it was your idea in the first place to let IT take over while I have the flu " The white queen punctuated this sentence with a sneeze that radiated disapproval.. Sean sighed, wondering how Emma managed to project her disgust so clearly through a transatlantic line with nothing more than a sneeze. The "it " she referred to was Andy; a high tech android Forge had designed for the academy that was intended to reduce the teaching load on Emma and Sean. It came complete with a program of the most up to date teaching philosophies and instructional techniques. Emma had hated it on sight.

"Em, let me talk to Andy."

There was a moment of silence then Emma Frost's voice dropped about 15 degrees. "Do you wish to confer with it directly, or should I just pass your orders along?"

"Emma, I'm not trying to bypass ye, lass. I jest think we should ask Andy directly what she's about."

"I see. " the temperature dropped 25 degrees more, and Sean glumly thought that if her words could be compactly rolled together, he'd have nature's perfect snowball. "Naturally, we don't want to hurt it's feelings. Paige, would you go get that......android, please? " Paige's voice murmured assent in the background, and Emma maintained a frozen silence on her end of the line while Andy, or "it " as the White Queen insisted, was brought to the phone.

"Hello, Mr. Cassidy " the voice dripped sex appeal and the receiver grew sweaty in Sean's grip. This was 9/10's of the reason the White Queen hated it so much. Forge had seemingly designed the Android with the primary idea of insulting Emma in mind. It was a little bit taller than her, had the same color hair, but more...generous proportions to her body than Frost. It seemed to ooze sexuality, and Sean's initial reaction was that Forge was daft to send it into a school full of teenage boys. The lads' reactions had been unabashed lust.

Skin had started carrying around books and packages to cover the sudden hormonal urges that came over him whenever Andy came into view. Mondo had peeled himself off his sofa and followed her around like a puppy dog, insistently offering to escort her to meals or get her a drink; and had continued to do so even after Monet had acidly pointed out that as an android, food and drink would likely be very low on her list of priorities. This had made no impact on Mondo, who continued to trail after Forge's creation, leaving the disgusted Monet to conclude that he actually followed Andy around just to watch the wiggle in her hips that had seemingly been programmed in by Forge.

Jono had gotten in on the act by watching her from afar like a lovesick Romeo. If he'd still had a mouth, one could have located him simply by following the trail of drool he surely would have left in her wake. Even sensible Synch had initially been dazzled when he first saw her.

"Oh God, " he'd breathed, "Brain by Intel, body by slutco. The perfect woman."

He was still limping from the kick Jubilation had delivered to his shins.

The White Queen, of course, had despised it on sight, and for once she and Jubilee were in full agreement, Jubilee having already dubbed Andy the Android, "Bambi the Bimboid ". Had Sean not promised to give the robot a trial run he would have shipped it back the first day. As it was, he was now stuck with negotiating an uneasy truce between an android and an ice goddess. Forge would pay for this.

"Uh, morning lassie. Uh, Andy, ya ken that Ms Frost and I were concerned about your idea for teaching civics to the children."

"Oh, yes Mr. Cassidy. A mock trial is such a perfect way for the students to experience the complexities of the judicial system first hand, and it allows them to learn in an environment less restrictive than the one fostered by a judgmental and arbitrary grading system."

Emma sneezed again and Sean winced at the acidic tone she was somehow able to work into the sound. "Weel, perhaps wi' most students lass, but we're a wee bit apprehensive aboot using with this particular student body."

" Mr. Cassidy, surely you don't believe that being mutants means the children will learn differently."

"Not at all, Andy, lass. It's just that, with their particular gifts, they tend to react differently to some situations. And the idea of placing them all in a room and deliberately starting an argument... " A mental image of Jubilee, Monet and Jono getting caught in a rapidly escalating quarrel came unbidden to his mind and he shuddered.

"Oh, I assure you Mr. Cassidy, the mock court itself, by its very design, should keep the students disciplined and focused on their learning activity. " Somehow, when she said "learning activity ", civics was not the activity that came to Sean's mind. "Besides, all the arrangements have been made; roles have been assigned. You don't want me to call it off, do you?" She sounded perilously close to tears, and Banshee crossly wondered why Forge couldn't have left that particular feminine wile off her primary program.

"Uh..well o course not, lass. Just um..be careful, okay? Umm, may I speak to Ms Frost again?"

"You certainly handled that well. " Emma's voice oozed sarcasm and Sean found himself wishing Andy would get back on the line.

"Aye, well we did promise Forge. I suppose we should give her..um it..Andy a chance. Uh, whit did she mean about roles being assigned?"

There was a snort-or was is a sneeze?-of disgust from Emma.

"It had the students draw lots to determine who plays what role in the courtroom."

Sean's stomach churned with apprehension. "And?"

"The three who pulled jury duty are Mondo, Jonothon, and Skin. Everett will be the judge-"

"Aye well, at least we've got quiet jury and a sensible judge. How about the girls?"

".....That's a little more problematic. Paige drew the role of the defending attorney, Monet is the defendant and the prosecutor is-"

"Jubilee? Jubilee is prosecuting Monet?"

"Yes. "

There was a moment of appalled silence.

"Oh Dear Gods. "

************************

The beautiful, brilliant defending attorney rose to her feet, fixing the jury with her intelligent and steely eyes. It had been a difficult case for this young champion of justice, who had taken on the defense of the poverty stricken, illiterate, youngster known only by the street name of M on a pro bono basis. The corrupt District Attorney's office had sent their most ruthless and cunning prosecutor against her; bolstered their case with perjured witnesses and even attempted to bribe her into deserting her helpless charge. But her own nobility and sense of ethics had guided her. Slowly but surely she had crushed the prosecution's case, while charming the jury with her grace, her intelligence, and her clear musical voice.

"Jeez Paige, stop daydreaming and finish Frosty's breakfast, willya! " The smiling faces of the jury vanished at the noisy interruption and Paige blinked once before focusing on her cunning and ruthless legal rival, who was sitting at the table in a bathrobe and tiger feet slippers, munching on a bowl of corn pops.

"You have gum in your hair, Jubes. "

"I'll get it out before the trial. Are you ready for court, hayseed? " A spoon full of corn pops disappeared in her mouth and was swallowed after a cursory bite or two.

Paige shuddered. Her mama would've been horrified at the speed with which Jubilee devoured her meals. "I 'm ready to whup your tail. I've studied the law books in the library, reviewed the case file, and gone over the depositions of the holographic witnesses. "

"Hey, I'm prepared too. I've been watching LA Law all week. "

Paige smiled; this would be breeze. "You're making this too easy, Jube. I'd at least like to get in a decent argument before I win."

'You ain't won yet, Hayseed. Now, are you gonna take Frosty's breakfast up to her, or what? You don't want to keep her waiting now, do you? " Jubilee stuffed another mound of corn pops into her mouth and swallowed, seemingly in one move, wearing a smug look on her face the whole time.

Paige scowled at her younger teammate and balanced the breakfast tray as she headed to the infirmary, to start another tour of duty in service to the White Queen. Between Emma's flu and the Bimboid's...distractions, it had been a fairly miserable week.

Before leaving for Ireland, Banshee had decreed that every student was to take turns making sure Ms Frost was comfortable, relaxed and occupied while in the infirmary. Sean had been deeply grateful when she caught the flu just before he left the country, thus reducing the possibility that a chance conflict with Andy would result in the Android being reclassified as scrap metal. He wanted to give Emma no excuse to leave the infirmary and risk a run in with the robot; and had made up a rotating duty chart of students who would "assist" her in his absence. In this case, assisting consisted primarily of delivering The White Queen's meals, making sure she was supplied with whatever she needed to keep occupied, and staying nearby to run errands etc. The students had unglamorously dubbed it "The Gopher Patrol".

The sole exception to gopher duty was Jubilee, whose gum snapping inquiry of "Yo, Ms Frost, you're supposed to be some super powerful telepath. Can't you just mind control those ole germs into like leaving your body? " had earned her a chill look and an immediate reassignment to KP for the duration. Within two hours she had hidden both cutlery and dinnerware, forcing her fellow students to use paper plates and plastic utensils and making her chores almost nonexistent. She'd get away with it too, since Sean was away; Jube made sure Emma was using the only set of real dishes left in the house, and Andy was blindly oblivious to anything unrelated to teaching. Obviously, studied insolence had it's reward.

"Hey Paige," Her young teammate's voice called after her, "Don't forget to pick up the dishes after breakfast. You mustn't leave sick bay looking sloppy and cluttered." Paige swallowed her simmering annoyance at Jubilee and stored it away for future use. It would give her one more incentive to kick Jube's butt at the mock trial.

*******************

"What's wrong with it?" Jube asked in genuine surprise.

Monet shook her head. "Lee, do you have some phobia about good taste?"

"Hey!" Jubilee bristled, "I wear what I like."

"That's my point."

"Jubilee," Paige cut in, annoyed that her leaderly efforts to mold Jubilee had been subverted by Monet, "You can't wear that in the courtroom. It's not appropriate. Look at the pictures in our text book; do you see any lawyers wearing purple shoes or shorts? Why don't you put on a dress?" Perfect, she thought. Patient and reasonable, yet commanding; just the way any understanding leader would behave.

"Oh, lighten up Page! " Jubilee brutally demolished Husk's self congratulation. " I did look in it, and I didn't see anything in there that tells me what I have to wear to court. Pick it up, pick it up and turn to the section that says I have to wear heels and a dress. It's not in there, and do ya' know why it's not in there? Because whoever wrote it was sensible, and saw no point in forcing women to come to work in an uncomfortable dress, high heels, and a pair of stockings that'll slip down 'til the crotch is by your knees. Now, maybe you're comfortable in that get up Hayseed, but I happen to like this. And I saw this article the other day that said that casual clothes were in, so it's not like I'm underdressed; I'm fashionable..."

Shortly after arriving at school, Everett Sinclair started comparing the bad guys to his teammates, and had come to the conclusion that on the whole, the bad guys would have been far less irritating to live with. Omega Red was much cheerier than Chamber; the Phalanx had more personality than M, and given a choice between listening to Jubilee's incessant chattering and having Emplate dine on him for lunch, Synch would have chosen the marrow sucking on a fairly regular basis. Like right now. She would go on without taking a breath for next fifteen minutes or twenty minutes, and it was all Andy's fault. That stupid Robot was late again; couldn't Forge have programmed it to tell time? As an added irritant, for every five minutes she was late, Skin lit another cigarette. Ev was morbidly convinced they'd all die of lung cancer long before the trial started. For Everett, the android's charms had worn thin long ago.

"Tell me Lee," Monet interrupted, "Is there some point to your monologue, or are you just running an experiment in oxygen deprivation with us as the guinea pigs?"

"Won't be a problem M," Jubes fired back "If we do run out of oxygen, we'll just stick a needle in your ego. There should be plenty of hot air to go around."

Synch sighed. Another day in paradise. To tell the truth, his teammates had been wearing on his nerves lately. Angelo's cigarette smoke made his sinuses stop up. Paige's hypercompetitiveness made a simple game of tic tac toe emotionally draining. Chamber got on his nerves at every meal, sitting at the table with mournful eyes watching everyone eat. Initially, Ev had felt sorry for him, but lately had uncharitably decided that Chamber's real motivation was not cordiality, but a determination to not pass up an opportunity to be depressed. Andy the Android was so loaded with teaching philosophies and experimental approaches yet so bereft of basic disciplinary programs that very little was actually accomplished. Then there was Jubilee's contribution to the week. Synch was sick to death of paper plates, plastic forks and Styrofoam cups that had to be carefully sorted into the recycling bins after every meal. Everett had always been deeply concerned about the environment and felt horribly guilty about eating off paper plates; each meal felt like a personal betrayal of the Pacific Northwest.

"Hey, compadre, do you think she'll wear that red dress again? Talk about man made wonders."

"Angelo Espinosa, you are disgusting." Paige fumed. "I can't believe the way you act around that thing; it's pathetic. No wonder you guys aren't able control your powers yet; you can't even get a grip on your raging testosterone!"

"Now, that's not fair." Mondo surprised everyone; they'd all thought he was asleep. "We're growing boys, after all. We're at a very sensitive stage in life."

"Men are always at a sensitive age in life" Paige shot back. "Infancy, puberty, mid life crisis, second childhood, and dirty old men. Admit it, you're slaves to your hormones."

Jubilee snickered "More like convicts in the penal system."

Franklin pulled on her jacket sleeve. "Jubilee, what's a penal system?" He stared solemnly at the older girl, who regarded him silently, then turned to Everett.

"Tell him, Ev."

"Everett?" Franklin prompted.

"Well, uh... " Ev stalled for time, wondering if he'd have to go through the whole birds and bees thing or if he could just pass it off as a 'grown up joke."

^^Not bloody likely, mate.^^ Jono's mental voice was tinged with laughter.

Ev opened his mouth, not certain what would come out. "Ask Banshee." he heard himself say. Oh great. when Sean found out Everett had steered Franklin's question his way, Everett was gonna hear about it big time.

Further discussion was avoided by the not exactly timely arrival of the instructor as she jiggled into the room; causing Skin to scramble with unduly haste into the second row of juror's chairs, where he sat stiffly with a pinched look on his face.

An unguarded thought from Chamber drifted through his fellow student's minds.

^^Like pudding on springs.^^

Monet followed his gaze to the android's upper torso, and fired an annoyed thought at him. "You are aware that they're 100% silicone?"

Chamber shrugged. ^^You've just described 'alf the women in London, luv.^^

"All right everybody, gather around."

Mondo leaped to his feet.

"Down boy." Paige glared him back into his chair.

"Now, why don't we go over the rules of the mock court-"

"I dunno, why don't we?" Jubilee rudely interrupted.

"To begin with, this is going to be your court. I'm taking a hands off approach."

"Damn."

"W hat was that, Mr. Espinosa?"

"Da Nada, uh nothing Miss. Sorry, Miss."

"Now that means I will not be participating in the court in any way what so ever. Mr. Thomas you, as judge, will have the crucial role of controlling the defendant, the jury, and the attorneys"

"Good Luck." Synch thought glumly.

"Jury, Miss Monet; please remember that the judge has absolute control in his courtroom. Miss Guthrie, Miss Lee, I expect you to show Mr. Thomas the same respect you would show any other authority figure."

"Everyone take your places."

Mondo inhaled deeply through his nose as he passed Andy, causing Monet to wonder what he found so intoxicating about the smell of plastic; and with jury, defendant, prosecutor, and defending attorney all properly assembled, Andy turned to Synch, gavel extended.

"Mr. Thomas, here is the symbol of your authority; use it maintain order and pursue justice."

"Hey, she watched the same episode of LA Law I did." Jubilee mumbled to Paige.

Everett took the proffered gavel, thinking it was absurdly small and worthless as a weapon. The only why it could ever be useful was if he threw it at someone.

"Let the trial begin." Andy turned and wiggled her way up the stairs to a seat at the top of the courtroom.

"If that's Forge's idea of the perfect woman," Jubilee observed, "It's no wonder Storm dumped him."

"Order in the court!" Judge Thomas demanded.

"Strange," mused Monet, "It's probably worth millions of dollars, yet it accessorizes at Wal-Mart's."

"Ladies, order."

Paige had a puzzled look on her face. "Is it just me," she wondered aloud, "Or is she kind of dumb for an android?"

A muscle in Synch's jaw started to jump. Plainly, it wasn't going to be as bad as he'd feared. It was going to be worse.

*****

"Your honor, I object! "

Everett groaned inwardly as Jubes leaped to her feet for the 12th time that morning to protest the fairly innocuous question Paige had asked the holographic witness.

"Would counsel please approach the bench. " Synch waited until the puzzled prosecutor was close before whispering fiercely "Jubes, If you don't stop objecting to every question Paige asks, I'm going to put this gavel to use as a gag."

"Ev- "

"I mean it Jubes. Let her ask a few questions. It's not gonna hurt for the jury to find out what his name is. And it's "Your Honor" to you. Objection overruled. Go ahead Paige. "

This was all Forge's fault, he thought resentfully. If Banshee or Frost was teaching civics, they'd be sensibly reading a textbook rather than wasting time in a mock court session that was, he felt, doomed to disaster. If X-Factor's leader hadn't sent that mechanical bimbo here, the erstwhile Judge would not be fighting back an impulse to hurl his gavel at the prosecutor. Forge would pay for this.

"Uh... " Paige struggled to collect her thoughts. This wasn't as easy as it had been in her happy little daydream. "Uh...Mr. Harrison, can I uh-"

"Paige," Jubilee interrupted "Come on, he hasn't even told ya his name yet. How can you know he's Mr. Harrison?"

" Well, Ah' woulda found out his name if ya' hadn't objected." The accent slipped out and she bit her lip. "Uh...could you um, state your name for the court..please?" The question came out tinny and uncertain, and Jubilee snickered.

"Noel Harrison."

"Anda..what is ya-your address, Mr. Harrison?"

"4962 East Hallow, Boston Ma."

So far, so good. Her confidence grew. "And what were you doing on the night in question Mr. Harrison?"

"Objection!"

Oh, please, not again. "On what basis, Jubilee?" The judge looked and felt far older than his sixteen years. What had he done to deserve this?

"Uh,..she didn't specify WHAT night in question."

"Th' night oftha crime, what night do ya think ah''m talkin' about?" Paige practically screamed at her opponent; unhappily aware that her polished defense was falling apart in the face of Jubilation's relentless annoyance attack. It probably wasn't even a planned tactic, Husk thought in disgust; it was just Jubilee behaving naturally.

"I object your honor, she's badgering the witness."

"I'm not badgerin' th witness ya cretin, I'm badgerin' you!"

"Paige," the not unsympathetic judge intervened, "Jubilee actually does have something of a point." He nodded towards the witness, who looked remarkably cowed for a holographic image.

"You don't have to shout at me." Noel Harrison quavered. Paige felt like a bully.

"Ah didn't shout." She mumbled defensively.

"I don't want to testify if you're going to shout at me." The holograph whined.

"Stay outta this, Skin! Ev, tell the holograph he has to stay." Husk sounded aggrieved; holographs shouldn't get their feelings hurt, no matter how realistic they were programmed to act.

Ev folded his hands and looked at her blandly before turning to the witness. "Holograph, stay!"

"Woof, woof!"

"Shut up, Jubilee." Ev had wanted to say that all morning. The jury applauded and Everett glared in their direction.

"Cut it out, guys. You just sit there and listen."

Franklin stood up with Leach and Artie. "This is boring; we're leaving." He announced to no one in particular. Mondo watched them winding their way up the stair, enviously.

"How come they get to leave and we have to stay?" he asked, plaintively.

"'Because you're the jury." Everett growled, somewhat hurt over Franklin's heartless desertion in mid-trial. "If I have to stay, you have to stay." Cowards.

"If the jury gets to leave, can I leave?" Noel Harrison whimpered.

Synch gritted his teeth. "No one. Is. Leaving. You have to stay."

"Well, she shouted at me." the holograph pouted, "I'm not going to testify unless she says she's sorry."

Ev stared in disbelief. Dear God, who programmed this thing? He heard a hissing sound from the prosecutor's desk and saw Jubes unsuccessfully trying not to laugh. He should have known.

"Paige," Everett turned to Husk, "Tell him you're sorry."

"You're kiddin'!"

Synch's grip on the gavel tightened until the wood creaked. "Tell him you're sorry so we can get this thing over with."

Paige opened her mouth to protest but was silenced by Ev's menacing glare. Sullenly, she turned to the witness. "Ah'm surry Ah hollered at ya." She didn't even try to hide the accent. Bugger her client, she wanted this trial to be history.

Emma, watching the monitor from her bed in the infirmary, smiled. Jubilee was running wild, Paige was running scared, Everett was running out of patience, and the idiot Bimboid just sat there with the placid look of a grazing cow. By her calculations, in 20 minutes, maybe less, someone- probably Jubilee- would get annoyed enough to use their powers and all hell would break loose. Frost buffed her already immaculate nails and smugly considered mailing the doomed android back to Forge in a hundred shoe box sized packages. This was fun.

Ev nodded wearily. "Yes."

"No!"

"No?" Everett scowled at Paige. "Who's the judge here, anyway?"

"Yeah," Jubes echoed "Who's the judge here"

"Shut up, Jubilee, " Paige snapped. "Ya honor, I haven't finished questioning the witness yet!"

"Ev! She has, too! The rules of the mock court say she has five minutes to question her witness and she started five minutes ago; so she doesn't get to question him anymore." Paige wasn't the only one who'd studied the rules.

Husk was furious. "The only reason I haven't asked him ma questions yet was 'cause ya kept interrupting me, ya belly slidin' snake!"

Mondo frowned. "Don't all snakes slide on their bellies?" he asked Skin, who eyed him for second, then changed seats.

"Your Honor, I object to being called a belly sliding snake!"

"Please Jubilee," Monet interjected before the judge could speak up. "Accept my apologies for my attorney's behavior. She never should have called you a Belly sliding snake. Granted, she could have said worse things. She could have called you a spoiled brat in neon whose intellect is exceeded only by your fashion sense. She could have called you the abandoned sidekick of a manimal who won't be allowed on the sofa until he's housebroken. She could have said you were the stereotypical valley girl, whose ability to annoy people is far more developed than her pyrotechnics. But she didn't. She called you a belly sliding snake; and for that I am sorry."

There was the whistling sound and sparks appeared around Jubilation's tightly clenched fists. Synch hammered for order.

"Jubilee, sit down! Monet, be quiet! Mondo, stop talking! Skin, move back to your chair! Paige, finish questioning your witness! Jono...." Chamber looked inquiringly at the frazzled judge, who realized belatedly that the englishman had done nothing to deserve a reprimand "...do you have an aspirin?" Everett trailed off.

"Ev!" Jubilee protested, "Her time is up. Paige doesn't get to examine him anymore."

Everett got a perverse satisfaction out of ruling against Jubilee. "This is my courtroom, and I say she can finish questioning the witness."

"Your honor, that is like totally unfair. I object!

" "Overruled. "

"What? "

"Did I stutter? OVERRULED! "

"If it please the court, your honor sure is being a butthead about this! "

"Prosecutor is instructed to watch her ass if she doesn't want to be charged with contempt of court. "

"Well done, your honor! "

"Shut up, Monet! This is none of your business. 'Sides, you're the scum sucking criminal. "

Paige leaped to her feet, "Objection. My client isn't convicted yet; she's just an ALLEGED scum sucking criminal! " only to have said scum sucker yank her back into the chair.

"Oh, stop it Paige. You're just making this worse. " Monet didn't sound a quarter as irritated as she felt.

"Atta girl chica! Stand up for yourself before your attorney gets you tossed in jail. "

"Keep out of this, Angelo or I'll charge ya with contempt "

"Well then don't just sit there, do something judgish. " she demanded.

"Fine. " the gavel slammed down "I charge you with contempt of court and sentence you to thirty days! "

"Hey, chica! Don't drop the soap in the showers! "

"Shut up Skin! Ah' want a ruling on the scum sucking issue! "

"Be Quiet, Paige. " Synch's grasp on his temper was slipping rapidly.

"It's ma turn ta talk and Ah wanna rulin'. " Paige insisted.

SLAM! "Fine. I rule you're in contempt of court and I sentence you to thirty days! In fact, I want you both in the same cell. "

"Oh come on, Ev! She's gonna leave skin all over the place! If I have to have a roommate who sheds, how come I can't have a dog? "

Paige was sputtering with rage. "Ya can't sentence me for contempt! Ah haven't been contemptible! "

"Do you want another 30 days? " The judge demanded.

"Sic her Ev! "

"Shut up, Jubilee. " This from judge and defending attorney.

"Your honor, " Monet stood up, looking exasperated "I petition to have my attorney dismissed. I'd prefer to handle my own defense. "

"Ya can't do that! Ah'm your lawyer! " Paige was outraged at M's ingratitude.

"You can't even keep yourself out of jail, how do you expect to defend me if you're on death row? "

"It's not gonna be death row, jest a county jail. "

"What'er you guys talking about? We don't have a jail. "

"Shut up, Jubilee! " the chorus sounded again.

"Ayye, I'll build a jail. Get me some mortar and brick. It'll be just like LA." Angelo was starting to enjoy himself.

"Stay outta this, Skin! " Jubes snapped.

"I can help build a jail. " Monet's cool voice offered

Mondo raised his hand. "When do we break for lunch? "

"The Juror's will be quiet or they'll be charged wth contempt." Synch warned.

"Ya can't be a lawyer; you're the scum sucking criminal! "

"HA! Your honor, your honor!" Jubilee was jumping up and down. "I want it on the record that the defense attorney called her client scum sucking! "

"I'm hungry; I want a pizza. " Mondo sounded sullen.

Slam! "Mondo, you are hereby charged with contempt of court and sentenced to 30 days. "

"Ev, you can't throw the jury in jail! "

"Will you feed me in jail?" Mondo sounded hopeful, "I'll go to jail if you'll feed me."

"Jubilation's correct, your honor. You can't jail the jury." Monet pointed out.

"Do you want to be charged with contempt too? "

"I'm on trial because I mercilessly shot four people in cold blood. Do you really think 30 days in jail is a threat? "

"A confession! I just got a confession! The criminal just confessed to the crime! I win! "

"SHUT UP, JUBILEE!" This time, the jury chimed in.

" 'Jubilee' is not my last name, ya know."

"Ah object, ya Honor, that confession was solicited!" Paige frantically kicked into damage control mode.

^^Well, lawyer's are solicitors, Sunshine.^^

Paige looked ill. "Ah think Ah'm gonna throw up." Jono had forgotten how much she hated puns.

"Me too. I always get sick when I'm starving to death." Mondo threw a glare at the judge.

"Maybe we could go to a restaraunt and use real cutlery." Monet suggested. Every one has a breaking point. Everett Thomas Jr had reached his.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Instantly the court members were quiet. Everett angry was far more interesting than Everett suffering. "The defendent is guilty and sentenced to death! Counsel for prosecution is guilty of contempt and sentenced to 20 years hard labor. Counsel for defense is guilty of contempt and is stripped of her license to practice law. The jury is guilty of contempt and sentenced to thirty days of bread and water. AND I QUIT! Court Adjourned!"

The courtroom members, awed by this outburst from the most even tempered person they knew, all froze in place trying not to aggravate him further.

"Children," For the first time it seemed to dawn on the android that the mock trial was not working out as planned. "We appear to be sidetracked from the original purpose of this court. I think we should start over."

What happened next was a matter of some debate and research for the next few months. Ms Frost felt Ev had somehow managed to get in synch with both Jubilee and Monet; where as Sean felt it was more likely that Everett tapped Jubilation's power and had as much trouble handling it as she did. Forge firmly believed The White Queen had used her powers to manipulate Ev's body. Everett claimed he was only throwing the gavel down on the table in surrender; and Jubilee felt that it was simply a matter of good aim. Regardless of the reason, as Synch brought the gavel down in disgust, there was a popping noise, a flash, and the head of the gavel was propelled off the handle with explosive force.

It was, Synch thought dully, as if the fates had huddled together on the day the universe was created and planned this moment to the nth degree. No detail was overlooked, whether it was the size and weight of the gavel, wind resistence caused by air conditioning, the exact location of the android in the galley, or the speed and trajectory of the undersized hammer as it scorched its way through the courtroom heading for the center of Andy's chest as if aimed at a giant bullseye. This flashed through his mind in the 7/10th's of a second it took before the gavel slammed into Andy's chest with a metallic crunch, punching a gaping hole through the android before clattering on the far wall behind it.

There was an anguished groan from Mondo, Skin and Jono as silicon dribbled through the opening and the magnificent breasts deflated like much abused balloons. For a moment Andy still stood there, mouth open, hand raised as she prepared to issue a task oriented admonition to remind the students of their learning objectives, while using non sexist/racist praise that would positively enhance their self esteem and world view as suggested by Dr Gooden's book "Praise and the Middle Class Student." Then, slowly the hand dropped and the android fell forward over the row of chairs in front of it and landed head first; legs sticking up in the air, and dress draping down over the neck, revealing to a disappointed Skin that he had been having wet dreams over a life sized Barbie doll that was not even anatomically correct.

Synch stood, mouth open, gazing in horror at the perfect, plastic legs and red pumps that were slowly melting from the heat of overloaded circuits. The only coherent thought in his mind was that he had probably just flunked Civics class. After a few seconds of stunned silence, Paige clearly her throat, noisily.

"Well, don't worry Ev," she reassured him "Ah'm sure it looks worse'n it really is. We can probably fix it afore anybody finds out."

There was a sputtering noise, a spark, and a smell of charred silicon as the android burst into flames; the overheated legs falling wider and wider apart until they collapsed on either side of Andy's head, framing the perfect, delicate features with 2 inch heels like a particularly gaudy pair of earrings.

"Well," Paige amended, "Maybe not."

Everett was completely numb. "Oh my God," he breathed, "I killed teacher." The students reflected on that silently until Jubilee turned to Ev with lively curiosity.

"What's it like?" she asked.

Skin traded glances with Jono, and they noiselessly backed out of the courtroom into the hall, safely distancing themselves from any possible blame.

Jono stared at the ceiling in confusion. ^^Ey, mate, shouldn't the computer 'ave sensed the fire and turned on the sprinkler system?"^^

Skin blinked thoughtfully. "You're right, homeboy. You think Ms Frost know there's something wrong with the computer?"

"Ms Frost," the computer's voice echoed only in the infirmary. "It is recommended you discontinue override of the sprinkler system immediately. Estimate Android designate 'Andy' will be beyond in repair in another 60 seconds."

The White Queen never even glanced up from her nails. "Sorry," Emma said pleasantly "Wrong number."

**************************

"What do you mean, 'A wee bit destroyed' ?" Forge screamed into the telephone, his face scarlet with rage. "Did Frost wreck my robot? I knew we couldn't trust her. 'Reformed' my ass!"

"Not at all, laddie. Th' lass was nayway near Andy when it happened. It seems some simulation the girl was runnin' got a tad bit out of hand and..." Sean wondered why he always got stuck with the job of soothing ruffled feathers via long distance. Then again, he reflected, he was probably fortunate to be safely overseas. Forge had a sneaky left.

There was a long silence at the other end of the phone. "I want her back" Forge rumbled sullenly. "You said this happened 3 days ago; why haven't you sent her back? You didn't throw her away, did you?" His temper rose another notch.

"No, Forge lad. I do promise, she's on her way. Em said it was taking awhile to get her ready to be shipped."

"Three days?" Forge snorted in disbelief. "All she has to do is stick her back in the crate and pack styrofoam around her. How can getting her ready to ship take 3 days?"

There was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned to see Polaris standing there; a puzzled look on her face. "Forge, are you expecting 250 packages from Federal Express?"

***************************

Jubilee clutched the receiver in dismay. "Early? Really Banshee, I -I don't think there's any reason for you to come home early-That soon? You can't just get back on a plane and fly back to Ireland?......Yeah, I'll tell Ms Frost to expect you in an hour. Uh, Bye."

Mondo looked up hopefully from his overdone TV Dinner. "Banshee'll be here in an hour? That's great!"

"Outta my way, bub." Jubilee muscled her way past the Samoan, " I've gotta get the plates and silverware back where they belong or I'll be stuck with KP until I'm forty."

She dashed into the hall and threw open the cellar door, pounding down the stairs into the dimly lit room. There were a few seconds filled only with the hollow "thunk" of empty boxes being thrown aside, then a panicked yell echoed from below.

"Hey!" Jubilation screamed "Who took my dishes and silverware? Give 'em back right now!" She emerged from the cellar, wild eyed and disheveled. "Monet! Do you have 'em? Hayseed? Did you move the dishes?" Mondo was trying to scrape a black spot off a charred tatar tot when Jubilee poked her head into the kitchen. "Mondo!" she bawled, "Where are the dishes?"

Mondo gave her a puzzled look. "I don't know, Jubilee. Aren't they where you left them?"

" No, they aren't where I left 'em you lamoid dweeboid. If they were where I left 'em I wouldn't be looking for 'em!"

Her head was yanked from the kitchen and her voice could be clearly heard throughout the house as she stormed the rec room. "Skin, I know you! You moved my dishes, didn't you? Where's are they? Jono, give 'em back right now. Banshee's coming home and if he finds out I've lost the dishes he'll kill me! Come on guys. This isn't funny!"

And Everett Thomas JR, his bed sitting atop a pile of recently discovered cutlery, smiled contentedly, happy at last.

End