he sewed his eyes shut because he is afraid to see
he tries to tell me what i put inside of me
he's got the answers to ease my curiosity
he dreamed a god up and called it christianity
your god is dead and no one cares
if there is a hell i will see you there
(nine inch nails--heresy)
"Justine, this would look really good on you," Kitty said, holding up a cranberry colored silk blouse. They were in a small clothing store in town. "The color would really bring out the red highlights in your hair."
Justine examined the blouse, her finger brushing lightly along the soft fabric. "I've never felt silk before," she confessed, blushing slightly. "Are you sure cranberry is my color?"
Kitty nodded. "With your skin tone and your hair, yeah, cranberry is definitely one of your colors." She held it up to Justine. "You should try it on."
Justine stole a quick glance to the price tag and winced. "Fifty-five dollars Kitty!" She whispered. "I can't even think about buying it."
"Trying it on is free," Kitty reminded her grinning. "Might as well. Logan and Magnus haven't shown up yet." When they'd gotten into town, they'd broken up to accomplish their errands, agreeing to meet here when finished.
Justine took the shirt from her friend and held it up to herself to get a better idea of how she would look wearing it. She looked into the floor length, three panel mirror. "Hmmm... you're right, it does kinda give my skin a warmer glow." She smiled at Kitty her eyes glittering in the dim fluorescent lights of the store. "Maybe I should..." she began, only to be interrupted by the sound of a bell tinkling as Magnus and Logan walked in the door.
After exchanging greetings, Magnus asked, "Are you two almost finished?"
Kitty nodded. "Almost. I was just trying to get Justine to try on this blouse."
Justine blushed, handing the blouse back to Kitty. "It was just something to do while we were waiting for you and Logan."
"Well, if you really want to-" Magnus began. He was interrupted by a screech of car brakes and a loud thump coming from outside the store. For a moment, the place was silent, no one knew quite what to do.
Finally, Logan ran outside only to poke his head in less than a minute later. "Call emergency," he ordered the clerk. "Now."
Magnus motioned for the girls to wait and walked out the door with Logan. Neither Kitty nor Justine paid attention to what he said and walked out the door after him.
"Oh my god," Kitty squeaked.
The moment they were outside, the thick metallic scent of blood filled Justine's nostrils like a wave. Lying in the road a few feet before the store was the still form of a young boy. Stopped in front of him was a car, the front grill and part of the hood sprayed in blood. There was a woman kneeling on the ground in front of the body. "No no nonono!" she was moaning softly over and over again.
Justine fought the lump of stomach acid and Frosted Flakes threatening to rise in her throat and moved up closer, next to Magnus to see better. The woman near the boy gathered him into her arms, covering herself with blood. "Somebody call an ambulance!" she shrieked.
A crowd was forming around the woman and the boy, but Justine could still see it was much to late for an ambulance. The boy's head was partially crushed, bits of white bone and grey matter oozing among the sticky crimson liquid. Justine felt as if her head was spinning around and around. Without even being aware of it, she started humming "Couldn't Get it Right" under her breath.
Magnus whirled to face her. "Justine, don't even think about it!" he hissed. He grabbed onto her shoulder to lead her off, but she stayed glued to the spot.
She could hear snatches of conversations going on around her, but Magnus' words were a total blur. He's just a kid, she thought; looking at the body cradled in the woman's' arms. With all the blood surrounding him, she couldn't see how old he was, but the body couldn't be much taller than three feet.
"My baby," the woman holding the boy was sobbing. "My poor little baby." She looked up at all the faces peering at her. "Somebody do something!" she screamed.
The mother's gaze flickered past Justine; but for a moment, Justine would have sworn she was pleading directly to her for help. Her son, Justine thought. That's her son... I'll bet she loves him so much. He'll never smile at her again; never say, "I love you Mommy." Never say his prayers before bed. Death is never saying I Love You. Death is...
Magnus watched in horror as a pale glow, almost crystal clear, with the faintest traces of white and grey began to form around the boy.
Logan was closer to the woman, trying to convince the woman to put the boy down. He saw the glow and stopped abruptly. He could see the skin around the boy's face beginning to heal, bits of bone beginning to disappear as the flesh seemed to very slowly knit around it. Oh shit! he thought. Justine's doin' this. Damn it!
The little boy opened his eyes and began to scream, as the pain of his injuries hit him. "He's alive!" the mother yelled. The boy stopped screaming and his body went limp again.
He ain't healed enough to survive, Logan thought.
"Justine, Stop!" Magnus whispered, hissing into her ear. "You can't do this!"
Fortunately, the glow was only surrounding the boy and not Justine and it was subtle enough that most people didn't even notice it. Justine's eyes shut tightly as she concentrated, trying to picture the boy in her mind.
Magnus had enough. Pulling Justine away from the crowd he slapped her face, hard. "Justine enough!"
She blinked and automatically put her hand up to her stinging cheek. "What the..." She looked around as if seeing the street and the accident for the first time. "Oh my god. Was I?"
"Yes," Magnus said. "Stop it now Justine. We're leaving. There is nothing we can do."
Justine looked at him, tears starting to gather into her eyes. "Yes there is," she protested. "I was doing it."
"You can't do it!" Magnus roared.
The ambulance and the police came. No longer needed, Logan put his arm around Kitty, leading her away from the accident and over to where Justine and Magnus were. "Let's go." he said quietly.
"He doesn't have to die," Justine whispered. "He's just a little boy."
"Yes he does!" Magnus hissed. "He already did."
Logan looked at Magnus. "She could have done it," he whispered. "I was up close.. as I watched, she was fixing the damage!" His mind was swimming with all he'd seen. It was one thing to see some mice once dead, now running around, it was another thing to see a the mangled body of a young boy beginning to knit itself together. Nothing like a little Jesus act t'show a guy where it's really at. I always thought I was pretty tough, pretty important, but that little woman makes me look like nothing. What's claws compared to raisin' the dead?
"Justine, we'll talk when we get home. Right now we have to leave." Magnus took her arm and started down the street towards the car.
Justine walked along with him, dazed.
When they returned to the mansion, Magnus dragged Justine into the study. "What in the hell were you doing?" he demanded.
"T-trying to stop it," Justine stammered. "He was a little boy.. he didn't deserve to die like that." She looked up at Magnus. "If you were outside and saw the car coming, loosing control, would you have used your power to stop the car? Or get the boy to safety?" Her voice rose sharply. "Would you?!"
"Yes, I would have," Magnus admitted. "But that's different. Preventing an accident is one thing, bringing the boy back from the dead after it happened is another entirely!"
"Then I guess it's all in the timing isn't it?" Justine snapped.
"What about the agony?" Magnus pointed out. "You heard the screaming when you brought him back the first time. You can't bring someone back that far gone!"
Justine crossed her arms over her chest and turned away, refusing to answer. Magnus watched her, his eyes growing wide. "You could have couldn't you?" he whispered. "If you'd been given enough time you could have brought him back and healed all the damage could you?"
Justine wrapped her arms tighter around herself, her head hanging till her chin was almost resting on her chest. Walking over to the window she said nothing.
"You have been holding back haven't you?" Magnus asked, striding towards her. "I suspected there was much more you could do, but in all our tests you held back!" He reached out and put his hand on her shoulder, gently trying to turn her to face him.
She shrugged off his hand and whirled around looking at him. She didn't speak, just looked at him, but he could see the answer in her eyes.
"Toby." He whispered, swallowing. "You learned... you developed your power with Toby didn't you?"
"YES!" She broke her silence with an almost ear piercing scream. "Yes I did! I brought him back several times and I don't care how bad that was! I was... lonely down that basement! My own parents refused to touch me! My mother could hardly look at me! All I had was the damned Darkness and Toby. I couldn't stand to see him die, I couldn't stand to be alone, so I brought him back!" Tears streamed down her face, that hardly seemed to match the venom in her voice.
"What happened?" Magnus said, trying to keep his voice calm. "Why did you finally stop?"
"Because he wasn't happy being brought back!" Justine shouted. "Every time I brought him back he didn't stay alive as long." She turned away again from him, looking out the window. When she spoke again, her voice was much softer. "He was old.. his body was worn. I could fix some of that, but there were some things I couldn't fix. Everyone has... like a clock inside them. It only runs so long and it shuts down. Once that clock runs out... it doesn't matter what I'm able to do, they won't live long. T-Toby's clock ran down. Toby's death wasn't an accident.. it was just his clock running out of time. Victor, the plants, the mice.. that little boy, they're different. They all have time left on the clock."
Is this the only flaw in her power? Magnus wondered, feeling a shiver go through him. She can't bring them back only if they died of old age? I wonder what would happen if someone had a strong will to live? Could that override the clock? He'd know from the day he'd learned of Justine's power how frightening it was, but this was a shock. "Wh-why didn't you tell me," he said softly.
She turned around. "That's why," she said, her voice dull. "Because of the way you just asked. It frightens you doesn't it Magnus? As long as my power had definite limits, there was a certain safety in it. Now that the limits are gone, I've become scary again, right?"
"I'm not frightened of you Justine," Magnus said calmly. "I'd be lying though, if I didn't admit your power does worry me greatly. You can't go raising people from the dead. What happened today was a terrible tragedy, but that doesn't give you the right to bring the boy back!"
"Then why are you teaching me Magnus? What's the point if I'm never allowed to use it?" She reached up, wiping her eyes on the back of her wrist. "Since I've come here, you've told me over and over again that I'm not evil. If this is true, if I really am a creature of God, isn't there a chance my mutant ability is also a gift from God?"
"Justine, I don't want to shake your faith in God," Magnus said softly. "But it's not all that black and white. You are not evil because you have this... ability... but if you misuse it, then that is wrong. The point of teaching you about it is that you'll know what not to do. You can't bring anyone back from the dead. It's wrong."
"Is it really so wrong?" she asked softly. "Maybe God gave me this power to help mankind. Some believe the devil kills many an innocent to turn man's face away from God. Maybe I'm here to balance of the devil a bit."
"Justine, God doesn't work like that." Magnus said.
"Who are you to decide that?" She tipped her head to one side. "Who is anyone to decide that but God himself? Magnus, my gift could make people happy. Even you. I-I could bring your wife back Magnus. If I knew more about her, I could bring her back. You could have a second chance to make a life with her. To recapture what you lost."
An icy finger of fear ran up his spine, across the hairs on the back of his neck. Not because her words shocked him, but because they sounded familiar. Her words were already half-formed thoughts in his mind. "No," he whispered, his voice sounding unfamiliar to his own ears. "I-I would never ask you to do that!"
"Why?" she asked. "Don't you have a right to be happy?"
She sounded too calm. Magnus knew he had to stop this, right now before she started really believing the things she was saying. "Justine, if there is a God and a heaven, what right do you have to decide what is best?"
"B-because I have the gift," she stammered.
The stammer was a crack in the mental armor she erected around herself. He knew he was on the right track and zeroed in. "Really? Well, let's say for just a moment; you did bring Magda back. She has been gone a long time. What if she looked at you and cursed you for taking her from Heaven Justine? She's been there with her loved ones; enjoying paradise and you rip her away from that to a world she doesn't even know? A world with pain and suffering? What would you do then Justine?"
"I-I d-don't know." Justine looked at him wide eyed, "I-I n-never th-thought about th-that."
"They say God decides who goes to Heaven and who goes to Hell." Magnus stood straighter, towering over her. "Who are you to interfere with God's plans? As we speak, that little boy who was killed today, could be in paradise. As you were bringing him back, maybe those screams weren't from the pain of his injury, maybe they were the pain of being ripped away from Heaven! He might have grown up to be a murderer, or worse. Perhaps God took him today, so he'd go to Heaven, rather than grow up and earn a place in Hell!"
He took a step closer to her. She pressed her back up against the window, unable to move, just looking at him with wide, frightened eyes. Magnus knew she wasn't really frightened of him, she was frightened of herself, of the things he was pointing out to her. "Do you really think it's your job to be the judge? If you start using your power to help those you deem worthy, you're setting yourself up to be God. You didn't like being the anti-Christ did you?" He paused waiting for her to speak. When she didn't, he persisted. "Did you like it Justine? Not just the basement, but the idea that you were that powerful? Answer me!"
"N-No!" Justine gasped. "I-I didn't like it at all."
"What makes you think you'd like the other side of the coin any better?" He stepped back from her, to study her. "If you use an ability like yours, you can't be neutral anymore. You have to be one or the other. Which will it be?"
"I-I d-don't wanna be either!" She burst into tears again. "I don't wanna have this power! I wish to God I never had it. I wish to God Victor Black hadn't died that day!"
"Then you can't use it Justine," Magnus said softly, gently. "Ever. Perhaps I've been wrong to even train you, but I thought it would be good for you to understand, so you could control your gift. You have to fight yourself when the urge comes over you. No more training Justine. You know enough about your ability."
"Th-then what happens to me?" she whispered. "Do I leave? I-I don't know where to go, what to do..."
Magnus shook his head. "No. This is your home now. You may stay as long as you wish. You are still a Mutant and this place is a safe haven for Mutants. Perhaps someday we'll find a way for you to fit into society and lead a normal life. If not, you can stay here. We will find other ways for you to help."
"Y-you will?" She looked at him, wanting so badly to believe, but terribly afraid. Her own parents could betray her over her ability, why should she expect anyone else not to.
"Yes, I will. Together, you and I will make sure you're all right. Nobody is going to lock you up again Justine. That I swear to you."
"Th-thank you!" She pushed herself forward, throwing her arms around him, tears of relief pouring down her face. "Oh God, thank you!" she sobbed.
Unlike the other times she'd embraced him, he didn't hesitate. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her back.