Yea, Though I Walk...

You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

(Thom E Yorke-[Radiohead]--Creep)

Anger smoldered inside of Victor, anger that he badly wanted to release, but he knew he had to keep in check.

His fingers gripped the steering wheel of his car tightly, his knuckles turning white as he watched "Brother Aaron Magnus" across the parking lot of the high school. How dare he be here? How dare he ruin his plans? "Fucking bastard!" he whispered under his breath. He peeled one hand off the steering wheel and fumbled on the seat next to him for his cigarettes and lighter.

It was a happy coincidence that he just happened to be driving past the high school and saw Justine walking up the stairs. Victor wondered how he was going to approach her again and here came the perfect chance. He would wait outside and go up to her when she left. He didn't know why she went into the high school, nor did he care. The important thing was that she was in there, and if she went in, indeed, she must come out at some point. So, he'd pulled his car into the parking lot, between a couple other cars, and waited. That was early this morning. Now it was afternoon and a few people were starting to leave the building again. He'd been just about to leave the car and walk towards the door to wait for her, when he saw Aaron Magnus getting out of a car and walk up to the cement stairs.

"He's waitin' for her," Victor muttered, as he brought a cigarette up to his lips with a shaky hand. "The goddamned bastard is here to get her."

He looked over at the glove compartment for a moment, debating if he should take out his gun, go up and tell Aaron to get the hell out of there. He wanted to, very badly, but he knew deep down this was a bad idea. This was New York, not South Carolina. Victor Black was a tourist here, not a deputy. People might take it wrong if he went up carrying a hand gun and pointed it in "Brother Aaron's" face. Besides, there was something about ole' Aaron that made the hairs on Victor's neck stick up. He didn't get to where he was today without knowing who the powerful players were and he sensed a lot of power in Aaron.

"Obviously, this ain't the time t'approach her," Victor said, not caring that there was nobody listening to him, but himself. It comforted him to hear his own voice. It assured him of who he was and right now; he needed that assurance.

He debated if he should just leave now and try to find a better time to get Justine back. That would be the smart thing to do, don't give her or Magnus a chance to look into the parking lot and see him, or see the car with its SC license plate. But he wanted to see Justine again. It had been so long since he'd seen her and even though he knew soon enough she'd be his forever, he couldn't pass up this chance to see her now. He took a deep drag off his cigarette and waited.

Justine pushed open the door to the school, looking around with a worried expression. When she saw Magnus waiting at the base of the stairs, the corners of her mouth turned up into a grin and the furrows in her brow straightened themselves out as she hurried down towards him. "Hi, hope you haven't been waiting long."

He smiled. "No, not very long." He paused, waiting to see if she would speak. When she didn't, he finally asked, "So, how do you think you did?"

She shrugged. "I-I don't know for sure," she finally answered softly. "Most of the questions I was able to answer. The essay was kinda hard..." She bit her lower lip, wishing she could tell him more and finally sighed in frustration. "It's hard to cram a whole bunch of missing years into one test."

Magnus suppressed an amused smile, but his eyes twinkled. "Yes, I'm sure it is. However, you've worked very hard on your studies and you're a very bright girl. I'm sure you passed."

Justine smiled, pushing her hair off her shoulders. "The instructor said they'd send us information in the mail in a month or so to tell us how we did, but if we wanted to know earlier we could call in a couple weeks." She tipped her head to one side. "Just think Magnus, less than six months ago I was locked in a basement and today I might be a high school graduate."

"It's quite an accomplishment," Magnus agreed. "You should be proud of yourself."

"But what if I didn't pass?" Justine asked, looking worried again.

"Then you'll take the test again," Magnus said simply. "We'll find out what your weak areas are and help you improve in them. As you said, it's difficult to cram several years of learning into one test. As long as you tried your best, you have nothing to be ashamed of." He paused, smiling warmly at her. "Let's return to the mansion. I'm sure everyone there is waiting to hear how you fared."

Justine nodded as the headed towards the car. "I just wish I had more to tell them."

Victor wiped his eyes on the back of his hand as he watched Justine walking with Aaron. He didn't believe in getting all emotional over any situation, but just seeing her was enough to turn him into almost as big a sap as Bob Hurley.

She looked good. Real good. He always thought she looked good. Even when she was cowering in the corner of the basement, squinting at any light brighter than a 40 watt bulb, but she looked better now. She no longer had that pasty complexion and she'd put on a little bit of weight. Her hair, which had once hung from her head in limp, almost lifeless locks, now gleamed in the afternoon sun, the ends curling around her face and back. More than just her looks though, it was the way she carried herself, like she had a purpose. She looked at Brother Aaron when she spoke to him, she even smiled at him. Even though Victor wasn't close enough to see her eyes, he could picture them sparkling as she smiled; smiled at Aaron Magnus. He swallowed hard, biting the tip of his tongue hard enough to draw blood.

She never smiled at me like that, he thought. He ran his tongue over his teeth, unknowingly smearing them with a faint red mixture of saliva and blood. All those goddamned times I visited her and she never smiled at me. But she smiles at Mr. Magnus. All those times I visited her and after a while she wouldn't even talk to me, but she talks to him. I'll bet she doesn't mind if he touches her. She probably even encourages him to touch her. He's fucking old. Old enough to be her damned father. He's nothing to her; he can't be anything. She didn't bring him back from the dead; she brought me back. He didn't give her life a purpose; I did. So what the hell is she doing being beautiful for him?

A forgotten cigarette dangled between the second and third finger of his right hand. As it burned down to the filter, the head fell off, landing on the thin material covering his upper thigh. He didn't feel it beginning to burn into his skin; he was too busy watching as Justine and Magnus approached the car. Magnus opened the door for her. Fucking pussy, Victor thought, sneering. Fucking fancy set of manners, like he's the goddamned king of the world. And Justine is falling for it. That's all it is. Magnus is one of those blue-bloods or something, some goddamned city asshole with nothing to speak of but money and a set of college manners. He's nothing. Justine's falling for it because she doesn't know any better. She'll know soon enough that it's just an act. He can't make her happy; only I can. Maybe I didn't do enough for her, but it's not too late. She still needs me. She still owns a part of me. Once I get her away from here and away from that ass wipe, she'll be fine. She'll be mine again.

There was a slow hissing noise as the ember from the cigarette finally burned itself out in Victor's flesh. He reached down absentmindedly and scratched at the area. I know where you live, He thought,watching the car drive out of the parking lot and enter the flow of traffic on the street. That's the same car you were driving in Jericho, brother Magnus, an' when I pulled you over, I remembered it. You ain't as smart as you think you are, cause I'm comin' real soon t'get my girl.

Johnny take a dive
With your sister in the rain
Let her talk about the things
You can't explain
To touch is to heal
To hurt is to steal
If you want to kiss the sky
Better learn how to kneel... (on your knees boy!)

It's alright ... it's alright ... it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways

(Bono [U2] -- Mysterious Ways)

Justine was silent on the way back to the mansion, after taking her GED test. This wasn't unusual behavior for her, so Magnus didn't worry. She rolled down the window to the car and looked around at the passing buildings.

It wasn't until they pulled into the driveway of the mansion that she looked over at him. "What happens now?" she asked quietly.

"Now?" Magnus repeated, not quite understanding. "Do you mean at this moment? I assumed we'd go into the house, so you could tell everyone how you think you did."

"No, not now meaning right this second, now meaning the future," Justine corrected, a faint blush tingeing her cheeks. "What happens if I did pass the test?"

"Then you're considered a high school graduate, or at least you know what a high school graduate should know," Magnus said.

"So?" Justine shrugged. "What do I do with that?"

"Whatever you want," Magnus said, wondering where this conversation was leading. "In itself, it isn't much, but it's a stepping stone. You'll be able to attend college or a trade school." He turned off the engine and removed the keys from the ignition, but made no move to leave the vehicle.

"So I can get a job huh?"

"If that's what you wish." He studied her. "Is this leading to your leaving the mansion some day? I explained to you before you don't have to leave. This is your home now, but just because you want to live here now, doesn't mean you'll be happy here in the future. Some day you might want to go other places, do other things. An education, skills, are the tools to make such things possible. I want any and all doors to be opened to you Justine. I want you to be able to build your life into anything you wish." He drew in a deep breath. "I want you to be happy."

She smiled, finding the idea of his concern about her future and happiness a comforting one. "You've been very good to me," she said softly. "Better than my real father ever was..." She frowned for a moment, thinking of when she was smaller. "Well, at least better than he was the last eleven or so years of my life. Sometimes it... boggles my mind, how you and everyone here... literal strangers could treat me better than my family and friends."

"We know what it's like to walk in your shoes, Justine," Magnus explained. "We've all been tormented for being different."

"Yeah, I know." Justine sighed, looking out over the manicured lawn, drawing together her thoughts before speaking again. "But, nobody has powers as weird as mine." She looked over at him. "I-I'm very afraid Magnus."

"Of what?" he asked, gently.

"Of leaving here. Of going into the world." Her voice lowered to a faint whisper. "I-I know I can stay here, at least for now.. but that's hiding too in a way. I'm not an X-man, I'll never be one. Someday I'll have to make my own way and-" She stopped abruptly, drawing in a deep breath, her voice shaking.

"And what?" Magnus prompted her.

"And I'm n-not sure I-I can keep what I do a secret." Her fingers curled into tight fists and she pressed them into her thighs. "Magnus, it's so easy to say I won't ever use my ability. Sometimes it's so easy to think I won't use it, but I-I know better. I know a lot better." Again, she turned her gaze from him, looking down at her clenched fists. "If I met someone.. someone I cared about... and they died... I-I can't say I wouldn't bring them back. It might be wrong, it might even be selfish, but-" She paused again, biting her lower lip. "Oh lord Magnus... I'd forgotten what it's like to care about people.. to... love them."

She stopped speaking, but Magnus didn't say anything, knowing she wasn't finished. He looked over at her, his face expressionless, but that was an illusion. He worried about her. Ever since the incident with Scott Summers, three days ago, she'd started withdrawing again. He'd hoped that taking her GED test and doing well on it would help give her some confidence. When he'd seen her coming out of the school and she'd smiled at him, he'd been hopeful he was right, but now he wasn't sure. There were bigger things going on in Justine's head. At least she's talking about it, he thought. As long as she's willing to talk, we can help her. I can help her.

She forced herself to look towards him. "Magnus, I wish I could say different, but I know... if something happened to you... or Logan.. or Storm... and.. and you died, I'd bring you back. I know it. I'd like to say I wouldn't, that I'd respect your wishes, but I know better."

"Justine, we've been through this," he said gently. "You can't just-"

"Aren't you listening?" Justine cried out, interrupting him. "I know what you've said. I agree with what you've said! It isn't right to play God, it isn't right for me to just bring someone back because I can't face the thought of loosing them, but let me ask you something.

He drew in a deep breath, dreading her question but nodding for her to ask.

She looked at him, swallowing hard. "What if it were you who could do this. And what if the person you saw dying was your daughter again, or your wife? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me, without any reservations that you wouldn't have brought her back? Not if you could do it now, but if you could have done it then, at that moment, when your realized they were gone forever. Would you have been able to leave them there? Let them stay dead when you knew their deaths were a tragic mistake?"

"I-I can't answer that Justine," he said softly. "There are too many things to consider... I don't have your power. If I did, I wouldn't be the same person I am now-" His words cut off abruptly as Justine looked into his eyes, holding his gaze with her own.

"It's okay Magnus," she said softly. "Let's go into the house." Without another word she opened the car door and stepped out into the driveway.

Magnus watched her for a moment before opening the driver side door. She realizes something, he thought. She realizes I'm lying.

Tell me do you think it'd be allright
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go
And you know it might not be so bad
You were the best I ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone

(D. Hopkins-[Gin Blossoms]--Hey Jealousy)

Justine opened the front door and took a deep breath of the still night air. It was a little after midnight and she couldn't sleep. Logan and Storm were watching some old movie in the recreation room and Magnus was in his study. Although Justine knew she could join any of them she somehow didn't feel like talking or being sociable. She wanted to be alone for a while. A walk down to the lake seemed like a perfect idea, a little exercise to tire her and a chance to be alone.

She stretched, pointing her arms upward to the sky. It was a clear, hot summer night and even though it was late, the moon was bright enough that she could easily make her way around. She found that being outside at night was quite different than being locked in the basement. She wasn't afraid; she knew the grounds of the mansion like she once knew her own house. It was more than just a place to her; it was home. Indoors and out. She lowered her arms to her sides and started walking along the path that would take her through the woods and to the lake.

As she walked, she realized the land around her was alive. Crickets chirped endlessly, an owl hooted, and as she looked up towards the moon, she could see swarms of tiny insects dancing in the light. It's an illusion that the world sleeps, she thought to herself. In truth, half the world sleeps at night; the other half only feel alive at night. Which half do I belong to? I lived in the darkness for a long time, not even knowing when it was day or night. Now I live in the light. I love the sun, I love being able to see it rise and set, but I enjoy the night too. The night is quiet, mysterious... all secrets are both saved and revealed in the darkness.

She could see the lake at the end of the path, the moonlight spreading a coat of silver on the water, making the tiny ripples look alive. It's like they're polished and now they feel they have to show off. Water is different. Water is awake at night and during the day. Even when a lake looks totally calm, it's really moving. Currents deep under the surface are constantly flowing; fish moving. Water that doesn't move is dead; it's bad. It's stagnant. Is that what happened to me when I lived below? Did I stagnate? Was moving around, pulling myself up on the pipe enough? I remember how it was down there.. the dirt walls and floor... the dirt was dead.

She paused, leaning over and picking up a handful of loose dirt from the side of the path. Bringing it up to her nose, she sniffed it. This is living dirt, she thought. It smells alive. The dirt in the basement smelled dead. I wonder if I could have brought it back if I tried? She smiled, thinking of how strange that would have been, to have brought dirt back from the dead.

She continued along, making her way down to the shore of the lake. She stood at the edge, watching the ripples dancing for the moon. Kicking off her sandals, she reached in with one foot, kicking the water. It always fascinated her that when you tossed water up in the air, for a moment it seemed to change into little crystal beads before splashing. At that one moment, it no longer looked like liquid, it looked solid. Wouldn't it be neat if it really was solid? She thought to herself. If for that one moment water turned into little glass globes. For one split second it became something completely different before turning back into water.

Another memory came to her, of another time by the lake in Jericho. Not that fated Fourth of July, but a few years before that. It had been nighttime too, like it was now, but earlier. Nine or ten o'clock at the latest. She was with Tamara. She even remembered why they were allowed out late at night; there was a carnival at the park by the lake and practically everyone was there. Earlier, Tamara and Justine were there, but after a few hours of riding the rides, and stuffing themselves on junk food, they decided they had enough and slipped away from the carnival to go to the lake.

The section of the beach they went to was deserted. Both girls flopped onto the sand, laying flat on their backs, the tops of their heads almost touching, looking up into the night sky. It was a perfectly clear night and it seemed like every star in the entire universe chose to shine upon Jericho. Little perfect points of light. Justine had the feeling if she reached up at just the right moment, she'd be able to pluck one out of the sky. "Tam," she began softly, "Do you think ever think that stars are really diamonds God put in the sky?"

"Nah," Tamara said. "Stars are really suns, remember we learned that in science class?"

Justine felt disappointed. For once she would have liked Tamara to forget science and reality and just let herself fall into fantasy. "Yeah, Ah remember," she said, sighing. Tamara would always be Tamara, realistic, practical, and smart. Justine would always be Justine, the dreamer, the silly one. Tamara must think I'm a flake, she thought to herself.

"Wh-when Ah was a real little kid, Ah thought the stars were Angels," Tamara suddenly said.

"Huh?" Justine asked, not quite believing what she was hearing.

"You heard me," Tamara said, her voice soft as if embarrassed at her confession.

"Yeah, Ah heard it, Ah jess couldn't believe you said it!" Justine admitted. "You really thought stars were Angels? That's.. that's beautiful."

"Yeah, Ah did," Tamara's voice got stronger as she realized Justine wasn't making fun of her. "Ah thought that up there was heaven an' the Angels were so bright an' perfect that they couldn't' help lightin' up the sky at night. Whenever Ah had a bad dream, Ah'd look out the window and see all the little lights an' think, it's okay, the Angels are up there, watching over me. It always made me feel better."

"What was the moon then?" Justine asked.

"The head Angel," Tamara answered promptly.

"Ah like that idea," Justine admitted, admiring her friend. "That's even better'n diamonds.. thinking that all them itty bitty lights up there are Angels watchin' out over us."

"Yeah... ya know," Tamara paused, gulping for a moment. "Ah never tole anyone this, but there are times when... when Ah wish Ah never learned what they really were. It was nicer thinking that them stars were Angels."

At her friend's confession, Justine felt something inside her leap. Suddenly Justine didn't feel so stupid. Everyone has their little dreams, she thought. Everyone has there Angels or diamonds. Even someone as level headed as Tam. "Ah understand Tam," she informed her friend. "Ah wish they were Angels too."

They stopped speaking; they didn't have to anymore. Far off in the distance, Justine could hear the faint strains of carnival music. Taking in a deep breath, she could smell the night air, the water, and the faint scent of raspberry popsicles she and Tamara had consumed earlier. She could feel the double texture of soft and hard of the sand beneath her. She realized that for that moment; life was perfect. She was exactly where she wanted to be, with the person she wanted to be with, and more so, she was who she wanted to be. For that one moment, she wouldn't have traded places with anyone else in the entire universe. A small shiver ran though her, not just one of contentment, but one of sadness, because deep down, she knew just how rare this moment really was. Inside her heart she knew as she got older these silver, magical moments would become further and further apart. As she got older, it would be harder and harder to find this combination again.

"Oh, if Ah could only put this night in a box forever!" she whispered. For a second, she thought she'd only thought those words, but realized she had spoken them out loud. Oh great! she thought to herself. Ah jess killed that moment. Tam probably don' have a clue what Ah'm talkin' bout. She cringed, waiting for Tamara to ask her what in the world she meant. It would kill the moment, because it would make Justine wish she wasn't so dumb.

Instead of speaking, Tamara reached over her head, taking Justine's hand, which was lying in the sand and giving it a quick squeeze. Relief flooded through Justine. That one gesture told Justine that Tamara understood exactly what she'd meant. The actual perfect moment was gone, gone forever, but at least for now, the feelings lingered inside her.

"There you are," someone called softly.

Justine jerked, the voice cutting into her memory dream, dragging her ruthlessly back to the present. The hairs on the back of her neck stood straight out as she whirled around to confront the voice. "What in the world are you-" she began.

Before she could finish her sentence, the Blackness was upon her.