So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below
And I laugh to myself
As the tears roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know
It's the world I know
(Ed Roland--[Collective Soul]--The World I Know)
"So, how's the kid doing?" Logan asked.
Magnus turned away from the window in the study, where he'd been staring out into the night. Storm clouds were gathering rapidly, as if protesting the events of the night. "Not good." He sighed. "Ororo is upstairs with her now. She's stopped speaking again."
"This must be hell on the poor kid," Logan commented, flopping down into a chair. "Maybe she just needs some sleep. It's been a long night for all of us."
"Speaking of long nights, where do things stand with Victor?"
Logan snorted. "The boy happily dug his own grave. When the cops came, he spoke to em' real polite. Insisted on professional courtesy, seeing how they were all in law-enforcement. He might have been able to bullshit his way outa this problem if there hadn't been an APB of someone fitting his description floating around. Seems our boy was seen in Harry's Hideaway picking up a local girl a few nights ago. The girl left with him and disappeared. Her parents are frantic about her. Well, turns out her body was in the trunk of Victor's car, which had also been found earlier parked by the side of the road. When they asked him about it, he just.. broke down. Ended up telling them he had to do it for Justine. Had to get her souls to feed her, or she'd "change"." He paused to light a cigar and shake his head. "I could almost feel sorry for him, Magnus. He lost it completely; started telling them he'd been in Hell and Justine brought him back and ever since, he and Justine have been intertwined. I think he ended up confessing to about a dozen murders tonight. Maybe more. Either way, they're taking him off to the Hotel Silly for observation. Something tells me Victor Black won't be fit to stand trial for a long time. Too bad, because he should pay for all the misery he's caused."
"What about Justine?" Magnus asked. "How far is she going to have to be dragged into this?"
A small smile played at the corners of his mouth. "I did some fast-talking and kept Justine out if it. He kept talking about her, but it was so convoluted I don't think the cops are quite sure if she's a real person or if she's just a product of his mind. Don't worry Magnus, I've been dealing with situations worse than this most o' my life. The cops around here are rank amateurs compared to the people I've had to bullshit before."
Magnus nodded. "I'm aware of that Logan. I would like to keep Justine as far away from this as possible. She's suffered enough for bringing Victor back."
"Poor kid," Logan sympathized. "Brings back one guy and he turns out to be a psychopath in hiding."
"Or maybe the trip back wasn't any easier than the trip out of this world," Magnus countered.
"I can't judge that," Logan responded. "The mice she's brought back seem fine, but they're just mice. Other people have been rescued from death by modern medicine and they aren't wacked out. I don't think Justine does anything wrong to im' I think Victor was just a time bomb waiting for an excuse." He looked over at Magnus, squinting. "Do you have a different theory?"
Magnus drew his hands out, an almost helpless gesture. "I don't know Logan. I don't have the answers."
"Nobody has all the answers Magnus. Even your predecessor didn't, although he wanted everyone t'think he did."
Magnus couldn't resist a small smile. "Well, even if Charles did have all the answers, there is no guarantee they were the right answers."
He turned away again, looking back out the window as a flash of lightning streaked by the window. For over a minute the room was silent, then he turned back to the other man. "I don't know quite what to do, Logan," Magnus confessed softly. "She really meant what she said. 'You should have let him kill me.' How do I deal with this one?"
Logan shrugged. "I believe she meant it too. But, just because she meant it then doesn't mean she'll feel the same way next week, or even after a good nights sleep. You'll have t'wait and see."
"When I left her up in her room with Storm, she was just... sitting there. She hadn't spoken since that one sentence. She wasn't even shaking anymore, just staring into space."
"Well, she's probably in shock," Logan pointed out. "You know she's had this habit o' looking at herself as.. well, living two lives. The basement life and this one. Tonight one life confronted the other. And Jesus Mags, the kid went through Hell in that basement. Seems like Victor had no problems comin' down and telling her all his deep dark secrets." He paused, shaking his head. He suspected a lot more than talking went down in that basement and he knew Magnus did too, but neither of them wanted to mention those fears.
Magnus drew in a deep breath. "I'm-" he began and abruptly stopped.
"You're what?" Logan urged him.
A long pause, then Magnus finally spoke, "Afraid."
Logan's head tipped to one side, as he studied Magnus. "The kid's gotten to you hasn't she? No bullshit Mags, this is you and me, and you can't lie to me, I'll know if you do. Justine is old enough to be your daughter. But, unlike your own daughter, she's devoted to you. She never knew you as Magneto, the enemy, she only knows you as the savior, the protector. In a way, she represents everything doesn't she? You rescued the mutant from the clutches of the evil Homo-sapiens. You got to be exactly what you always wanted to be to mutant kind in her eyes. She believes in you. She loves you, without question. That's why you're scared, because you care too much. Am I getting close to the truth?"
Another long pause then finally, "Yes."
Logan nodded, his expression calm. "Nice t'see yer finally admitting to what I've known for months. Nothing wrong with caring about her Magnus. Nothing wrong with looking at her as a surrogate daughter. In a sense, you are her father. She was reborn when she walked out of the basement, and you were the one to bring her out. If that doesn't the both of you the right to care about each other, to love each other, I don't know what does." He rose from the chair. "Don't try t'hide it, at least not from her or yourself. She needs you now. The road hasn't been very easy on the kid and right now it's bumpy as hell."
"How do I help her through this?" Magnus asked.
"The same way all parents help their kids," Logan answered. "Talk to her, listen to her. Try to help her decide what's best for her and pray like hell she makes the right choices." He rose from his chair, preparing to leave the room.
"A long term possibility yes," Magnus said. "But what about the short term? What do I do tonight, to help her deal with this, at least enough so she could get some sleep?"
"I dunno," Logan admitted. "If it were up to me, I'd probably mix her up a good stiff drink. Might not help, but it sure can't hurt at this point."
The dark, spitting skies seemed appropriate in that they reflected Magnus' mood. Justine hadn't left her bedroom. She was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He tried to talk to her a couple times, the first time met with impenetrable silence. The second time she sat up and looked at him. "I don't want to talk," she said in a quiet, but firm voice. He was startled for a moment, he'd been expecting her not to say anything, just like the first time, but he quickly regained his composure.
"A lot has happened to you lately, Justine," Magnus pointed out. "I was afraid you were ... worried and might want to talk about it."
She looked at him, not speaking for a moment, as if needed the time to absorb his words. Finally she nodded. "You're right. But now is not the time. Right now I want to be alone, I need some time to think."
He didn't like it, but he felt he should respect her wishes, at least for now. He figured if she continued to hide in her room the next day, something would have to be done, but for now, she deserved her request. Other members of the mansion made it a point to check on her briefly and all reported she didn't have anything to say to them either.
Evening melted into night. When Magnus went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, Justine came in. He turned to face her. "It's good to see you Justine," he commented, deciding to keep the atmosphere casual, unless she indicated it should go otherwise. "You must be hungry."
"No, not really hungry, more thirsty," she confessed going over to the refrigerator and pulling out a can of soda. She pulled the tab and the drink opened with a hissing pop. She took a long swallow, her eyes half closing in enjoyment. He watched her, unsure of what he should say.
She finished the entire can in about three gulps, then looked at him, eyes watering slightly from the carbonation. "You and Logan made a big mistake."
"I'm sure we've both made more than our share of those," Magnus responded calmly. "However, I gather you're referring to something specific. Care to let me in on which mistake?"
Her eyes narrowed. "Last night when you stopped Victor from killing me."
"Oh I see." Magnus raised one brow. "And why was saving your life a mistake?"
"Because I never should have been born," she answered calmly. "God must have been looking the other way."
"I thought God was everywhere," Magnus countered. "Surely he must have seen your creation, and approved."
"Do you think he also approved of Victor's creation?"
"Ah, now we get to the heart of the matter," Magnus tried not to smile, pleased that the conversation was going around to the right issues. "Victor Black. Let me guess, you feel responsible for what he became."
"I am responsible," she told him, looking at him. He was still standing by the sink, holding his glass of water. "He was dead. If he'd stayed dead, he never would have hurt anyone. I'm the one who decided to bring him back, therefore, I am responsible for everything he did after that day on the beach." Her voice began to waiver slightly, her eyes overly bright.
"Really?" He nodded as if wanting to think this information over for a moment, when it truth, he knew exactly what he wanted to say. "Well then, if that's the case, what if he had gone on to do bigger and better things? What if he'd discovered the cure for cancer, or won a Nobel prize? Would you have felt his victories, his deeds were yours in that situation?"
"Of course not!" She shook her head, impatiently, as if growing tired of this verbal sparring. "If he had gone on to do those things, it would have been because of all his hard work. This is different."
"I'm sure becoming insane is hard work." He tipped his head to one side, watching her. Her shoulders were drawn up and her whole body looked tense. I'm not sure letting her have the day to dwell on her own thoughts was such a good idea, he thought to himself. I should have put a stop to this line of thinking last night.
"You're playing with me," she accused him. "You're twisting my words, trying to affect my thoughts."
"Affect your thoughts, yes. Twist your words no." Magnus drew in a deep breath. "Justine, let me be honest with you. I don't know exactly what went on with you and Victor Black, but Logan and I overheard enough to know the man is insane. He thought he could..." He paused, trying to remember the words he'd overheard. "Keep you inside him?" He shook his head. "Those are not sane words. He visited you in the basement didn't he?"
She looked away for a moment, towards the window where the rain splattered on the glass. "Yes," she whispered, "he was the Darkness, the Blackness."
"You were all alone down there, and he would come down and tell you things; things he had done." He spoke softly and evenly, trying to keep his voice from giving away any emotion.
"Y-yes," she lowered her gaze from the window to the floor. "H-he thought that I needed souls to feed on, in order to save his life..." She paused to swallow before continuing, "I-I don't know how he got these ideas, I swear none of them came from me, but somehow he got them. He thought that we had some ... symbiotic relationship, I needed souls to live and he needed me to live, or something like that. H-he would kill people a-and think that he absorbed their souls and could give them to me."
"And he would tell you all of this ... and claim he was 'feeding' you these souls," Magnus continued her story. "You were alone down there, no one to talk to but him, no one to tell any of this to. You were the one everyone said was evil; after awhile you began to wonder if maybe you were making up the terrible things he said. Am I close to the truth?"
She looked up at him, a hint of tears in her eyes. "Y-yes. A-and after a time, I stopped even really hearing the stuff he said. I just ... blanked it out."
"Don't blame yourself for that," he advised her. "Deep down you knew there was nothing you could do about it. If you'd told your parents, they would have accused you of lying, or just thought it was the insane ramblings of their evil daughter."
"Yessss," she drew the word out in a long hiss, her eyes wet with tears. "You're right Magnus, but that doesn't mean a damned thing."
"Yes it does," he disagreed. "Victor Black is insane. You cannot be responsible for his actions, you were in a position where you couldn't do anything about it. No one would listen to you. Last night, when the police came to get him, they discovered the body of a local girl in the trunk of his car. He broke down and told the police the same kind of things he told you. He's not well Justine. He's sick. You cannot be responsible for his mental illness. You didn't cause it."
"Ha!" She laughed abruptly. "I did cause it, I brought him back, I caused it. In trying to save a life, I'm responsible for ending many others." She began pacing the across the floor, then stopped and looked at him. Her eyes were as bright as coals, but not with tears, this was a more ... dangerous glitter. She stopped and looked at him. "Who was the girl found in the trunk?" she demanded.
"I don't know, that information wasn't given," Magnus answered.
"Where is she now?" she asked rapidly. "Where is the body being kept?"
"I don't know that either. Why are you asking?"
"Because I should bring her back," she snapped. "I should bring everyone back that he killed." A smile began to curl the corners of her mouth, but it wasn't one of her usual, almost shy smiles. There was a certain coldness in it. "I should fix all the wrongs I've done. Try to clear up all my mistakes."
"You made no mistakes," he argued.
"Yes I did!" she cried, resuming her pacing. "And so did you! You should have let Victor kill me. I should pay with my life for what I've done!"
"Don't talk that way." He moved towards her, reaching out to put his hands on her shoulders, just to stop her from pacing, but she twisted away from him.
"Don't!" she demanded. "Don't try to comfort me, don't patronize me!" Her voice rose higher and higher. "If you won't let me correct the mistakes made in my name, then end it, now. Kill me. Finish the job you and Logan wouldn't let Victor complete and end my life."
"No!" he cried, more forcefully than he intended. It surprised him how deeply her words cut into him. "Justine, stop talking like this, it's crazy! You aren't responsible for Victor's insanity. He's been caught now, he's safely out of the stream of society. He won't get the chance to hurt anyone again. You're as much of a victim of his as those he killed!" He reached for her again, this time holding her shoulders firmly, forcing her to look at him. "I will not kill you, that's just talking crazy."
"Why not?" she snapped, her eyes still burning overly bright. "Why shouldn't I talk crazy? I am crazy remember? I'm the loony girl who brings people back from the dead. I'm the useless mutant with the powerful gift I can't even use! I'm an abomination in the face of God. There was only one person who could raise people from the dead and he died on a cross over two thousand years ago. I belonged in that basement Magnus! My parents were right!" She twisted suddenly and quickly, pulling away from him and taking several steps back.
"Justine-" he began.
"Stop it!" she cut him off. "Stop it right now, I don't want to hear your kind words; I don't want to be comforted. I know what I am. I know what should be done, you just don't have the guts to do it!" she whirled away and ran from the room.
Magnus watched Justine run from the kitchen, feeling worried and confused. She's cracking, he thought to himself. All this time I thought she was strong. She never complained, never spoke of what happened to her, and I never really encouraged her to either. As long as she seemed all right, I let myself believe she was all right. It was an act, a shell she put around herself. I should have know better, I saw this too much in my life. When I worked with the victims of the camps, I saw people that pretended all was well, until the time was taken to really talk to them. Under Justine's "normal" facade was a lot of pain and guilt. In my efforts to keep a "professional" distance from her, I refused to see her suffering. Here I thought I was so noble, helping this girl, when the truth was, I spent more time worried about me rather than her.
Now it was his turn to pace the kitchen. His thoughts continued to race through his head. Even worse, I'm doing it again, he told himself. I'm here thinking about myself. If I really care about her, I should go after her. I should try to correct my own mistakes and do what I can to help her. Logan is right. When I rescued her from the basement, I took on the role of her parent. It's time I took the job more seriously. If she's going to hold herself responsible for Victor, then I'm responsible for her.
Magnus knew what his first step should be, to find her. He left the kitchen and headed for the stairs, assuming she'd gone directly to her room. As he passed the foyer, he saw the tile near the front door was wet, indicating someone had opened the door recently, letting in rain. He knew it wasn't from someone coming in, because everyone who lived there had stayed home for the evening. She went outside, he thought. Even though there is a storm raging out there, that's where she went.
He opened the door, looking out into the night. Immediately a sheet of rain hit his face and shoulders. Squinting, he looked out over the lawn, seeing if he could catch a glimpse of her. She was no where in sight. "Damn it," he muttered. "Where in the world could she have gone?" He walked back into the mansion, shutting the door.
He could hear the sounds of the TV in the rec. room. Walking in, he found Logan watching a Clint Eastwood movie on TV. "Logan, I need your help."
Logan looked up at him. "What's wrong chief?"
"Justine and I got in a rather vocal discussion," Magnus explained quickly. "She got upset and ran off. I thought she would go to her room, but now it looks like she went outside. I need to find her."
Logan grabbed the remote clicking off the TV as he rose to his feet. "Don't worry Mags, we'll find her," he said, trying to re-assure him. "I understand you're worried, but I doubt she'll get very far. It's a hell of a storm."
"I know," Magnus said smoothly. "But there is more to it than just being worried that she's out in the storm. One of the things that set her off was my refusal to do something she asked of me."
"What was that?" Logan asked, as they walked toward the door. He paused at the closet to get his jacket and a hat.
"She wanted me to kill her," Magnus said, hoping the voice Logan heard sounded calmer than it did to his own ears.
Logan looked at him. For a moment, his eyes flickered in surprise, then abruptly stopped. He nodded solemnly. "Then yeah, let's go."
The two men left the house. Although Logan's tracking ability was affected by the rain, it wasn't stopped by it. Also, Justine was making no attempt to hide her trail. "She ain't gone t'the woods," Logan shouted, trying to be heard above the rain. "She headed to the road."
"Damn it." Magnus scowled. The road was poorly lit on the best of nights, the rain would make visibility even worse. Justine could be in real danger from traveling cars unless she was being very careful. Magnus was almost certain she wasn't being careful.
Logan tracked her down the main road outside of the mansion for about a quarter mile. "Either she was running like a madman, or she had a hell of a head start!" Logan shouted.
"A combination of both actually!" Magnus yelled in response. The rain was coming down so fast and furious it was like trying to speak in a shower.
"Thought so!" Logan stopped. "She went that way," He pointed to a narrow road that lead off the main street. "Why in the world would she go down there... it doesn't lead anywhere but to-" He stopped abruptly and looked at Magnus. "Oh shit, she wouldn't be..."
"Wouldn't be what?!" Magnus asked. "What's down there Logan?" He didn't know what was down the tiny road, he'd never even wondered.
Logan gulped. "The only thing that's down there Magnus, is the town cemetery."
Magnus' eyes widened. Without a word he turned and ran down the road.