Pain. That I think could sum it up in a word, pure unyielding pain. Wolverine once told me how much pain he went through when the metal was ripped from his skeleton, God help me now I know exactly what he meant. Magneto is pulling all of the metal I've absorbed through my pores, like millions of tiny needles pushing out of my skin all at once. When this is taking place he gets his little psycho mind reader to attack at the same time he does. She does something to me, puts things into my head that I've never known before, things I don't care to know. Making me forget my memories, making it harder to remember who I really am.
Joseph does this to me daily, forces me to take in as much metal as my body can stand, and then rips it out of me; and while in a weaken state lets the "boys" have fun. I've been here a month, and I've been beaten, abused, raped, and tortured, but he has never broke me. At least I don't have that pain, bu----but I know that 'Star will no longer want me after this, after I become what it is that Magneto wants me to become. Who in their right mind would want a second hand thing that I've turned into?
Why haven't they come yet? I thought that at least a hand full would care about what happened to me, I guess I was deceived there. I need to grow up, I need to be rescued before I forget myself for ever. Or I'll have to save myself before this is all over and hurt someone on the outside world for not coming.
"No I will not listen! That is what made me wait before and I will no longer take orders from you." Shatterstar through the last of his pre planed equipment into the small fighter jet, 'Taker'. Convinced that April was coming closer to death everyday that they waited, he made up his mind to strike out on his own. Even if he stood alone, he would try, which is more than he could say for the others.
"Running out, half mad is not going to help her. We must conceive a plan for a rescue and remember that we are even lucky to know where she is. Are you listening to me? " Xavier fumed at the younger man, he had spent the past ninety minutes trying to get the warrior to stay, with no luck. The other man was persistent, but so was he. If he would stay then everything would go according to plan, but Shatterstar's undying will was something that they hadn't planned on.
"No_you_ must create a plan, I already have one. If you even wanted for anyone to believe that you could possibly tolerate your daughter you would be encouraging me, not holding me back." 'Star spat. Climbing into the co-pilot's seat next to Elizabeth Braddock. She had been the only one to encourage him, and not only because of April but also for her daughter, Lydia's sake.
"Do you remember two weeks ago, you asked me if I loved her and I told you I did. Now I'm going to prove it to the one that needs to know it the most." Xavier's face grew crimson with frustration as the engines roared to life, and the plane was soon out of site.
A few hours later the call that he had been waiting for came in, the silver haired man on the screen opposite of Xavier did not have an expression of happiness. His chest was still wrapped up from April's earlier attack, neither of them were looking forward to this conversation.
"Charles."
"Magnus."
"LET ME OUT!" That is about the fifth time that boy has screamed for me to let him out as I get escorted to my quarters. I would scream right along with him if I could bring myself to do that. My room here isn't all that bad, but it isn't anything I would die to have either. It's better than that cage he had me sleeping in the first fortnight, just a bed and a small window, with a dresser in the corner.
Spectra and Sunspot, my escorts, like to throw me into the room and then slam the door, and lock it. I can't believe Roberto DaCosta used to be on the side of angels a couple of years ago. He and Sam, my favorite uncle, use to be best friends and I don't know exactly what happened; but I do know that Sunspot went crazy after he thought that he killed some one named Tabitha. He didn't kill her though she was sucked away to someplace called Limbo, and there she killed someone related to Poitr and turned into Spectra. They're supposedly married now, but she never takes off the mask or so I hear. There are suppose to be deep scars from her evil travels that still mock her.
Now that I have time to think of it, my family is kind of screwed up. People don't stay dead, the good never stays good, and the evil always changes forms. I'm so tired, the bed isn't the softest but I'm not about to complain about something small like that. It's all I can do now, I mean all I want to do, think and wonder. If I get out of this place alive the first thing I'm going to ask about is my mother. I know that Mrs. Jean and Miss Rouge tell me about her all the time but I always noticed that they've never once gave her a name. I even think that sometimes, their stories change, not to-to much but just small things.
My hopes of a rescue, although damaged by a month coming and going are not completely gone. I know that one person will miss me when I don't answer my phone. If he even calls anymore that is, which I'm not sure.
"Any reading's yet 'Star?"
"None whatsoever."
"Then maybe you didn't hear that beep." Elizabeth said hopefully.
"I know what I heard. Now, if you don't mind, turn around and let me scan that area again." She sighs but does what I ask, I know that I'm not crazy I heard something. Even if it was just for a moment, the miniature Cerebro rang out the Aprils bio signature had been picked up and I refuse to give up on it.
*Bleep*
"There! Circle that area!"I knew that this primitive contraption wasn't mistaken, Lydia's and April's life signs have been picked up. Maybe her kidnapper thought that no one would ever think to look at the old X-Factor base for them. I was surprised when Xavier said she was in that area when he radioed us a couple of minutes ago. I want to believe that it is for the better but, I can't help but think he has an alternative motive hidden in this mission.
"I'm landing us about four miles away, Forge said that after that amount of distance these old systems had faults."
And then those who hold the girls shall die. Elisabeth is an expert pilot, and lands the plane without so much of a slight bump. The hatch slides open to reveal a darken, shadow filled part of the ancient X-Factor grounds. She secures our transportation, and starts running off into the trees. I start to go after her, before an unseen attacker makes their presence known. They will die for this.
"Oh, I think not." Who?! Fekt! Madelyn Pryor!jumping quickly out of the energy blast that she projected, he dodged and ran to the safety of the trees. I was right, as usual, Xavier set us up. Poor April---His thought's were violently cut off by the sudden blow to the back of his head. Psylocke stood there, with a sadden face.
"Sorry 'Star but my baby's on the line." Flagging down one of the stronger people that had anticipated their coming, the entire party walked towards the building.
"Who are you?" I am a weapon to be used at Magnus' whim, and I am the enemy---NO that's _not_ who I am I _am_ April Spring Xavier, Charles Xavier's only daughter _friends_ of the people that wear the X. I am free
"Since you won't answer I'll tell you who you are, you are Magnus' weapon, you are an enemy of the X, you are worthless, you are bait, you are of no importance to _anyone_. Your are mutant you are superior to the Homo sapiens, you are what we want you to be."
I will never be that, as long as I don't lose myself I will never be like them in anyway."If you won't answer me then you'll fight for your life, just pray April, that everything Pryor has put in your head is enough to survive." Clicking a few commands into the computer, androids started to appear and target on the girl. Joseph turned his back to her as his new guest's came in.
"All the know how I've given her will be more than enough, but as you can tell, the guest of honor is her." Madelyn said coldly, walking over to observe April. While Creed flung the still body into a chair, and secured the restraints around his ankles and wrists. Elizabeth Braddock was escorted out of the room, to Lydia, the one that forced her to betray her friend.
"She seems to be improving, a little. Has she talked yet?"
"Not at all, but she doesn't need to talk she just needs to act. And from what you tell me her defenses are dying quickly."
"When did she learn to do that?" Madelyn asked in astonishment. April was covered in metal from head to toe, her eyes were bright yellow that released the only light in the room. In her hands were constantly different weapons, knives, claws, and anything else that could puncture skin.
"I don't know. It most have been a un-conscience reaction to her conditioning. I wonder why she's never used it before."
"Where?" Shatterstar's voice broke the gapping and the silence. His host turned around with a expression of cold command, the observation window was instantly slammed shut. With a few whispered words between them, Madelyn scurred off.
"Magneto." Shatterstar said in a completely controlled voice.
"Yes, thank you. I know why you've come and if you think she's hear you'd be right. And if you think Xavier had anything to do with this you'd also be correct. " he smiled for an instant.
"Why did you want her, of all the people? Why her?"It couldn't be to get back at Xavier, if he is in this. It couldn't be because April is mutant, her powers are still so undeveloped.
" It's not her we want, it's her mother that keeps helping you X-Men, and since she's not listed in the local phone book we needed something to attract her attention."
"What is Lilandra to you? She has a vast army and could destroy you without a care."
"She has important equipment that can be of very good use to us. No more questions now. You'll be shown to your---quarters. I do hope you'll enjoy your stay." He said before turning away and leaving.
I've been here for close to two months and no one has come, not even 'Star. Joseph was right I am alone. I've never been so fit before though, that's a good thing. The only good thing. I can at least hold my own against those damned robots and the little flunkies of his. And I haven't been thrown back to the boys in over two weeks thanks to me playing chop shop. If I had left something worth wild at home, it's all but forgotten now. No one cares and I care for no one.
The sessions which still come daily are now a welcome distraction from what else goes on. I can keep my metal inside me for as long as I wish. Madelyn still loves to reek havoc in my head but she still has a way to go to be able to control me again.
I often ask myself if I miss my once "love". A month ago I would have said yes and I would carry out a full explanation of why, the memories, and my plans for when I saw him next. And now when I do that, I answer myself "He didn't come" and say no. The only thing I want to do to him is hurt him the way that he hurt me in just over the period of two months. But I don't have to worry about that for a long time if ever.
*** I have been here for a month without seeing or hearing anything about April. The most frequently mentioned name is Torn. I have yet to see that one either. My fears may become reality if I don't see her soon. The others use to tell me that neglect always makes a person regret, and hate the person that neglected them. What if April believes that now? What if now she hates me, could I ever restore her good opinion of me.
There is no doubt in my mind that my intentions and wishes are staying true, I am here for April, for love. That sounds so unexplainable that I would hold dear any human emotions that I find weak. But then Sam said that only I would find love as a weakness.***
"Hello again Mr. Star. Are you ready to met an old friend?" Madelyn asked coolie unchaining him form the shackles that held him against the wall.
"April." huh? Joseph?! I must have fallen asleep. His voice was so close to my head, he must be two feet away, looking up at him, indeed he is all of three feet from me. That same cold frown of his sits on his face, hands folded behind his back and larger than life.
"There is something I wanted to show you." He walks away with thinking that I'll be right on his heels , which I am after learning that pain is the reward for disobedience I've learn to snap to.
"One of your friends, I believe it is your little boyfriend if I'm not mistaken has been located on the grounds." Now he has my full attention, like it or not, I follow him, with my escorts to a well far off room.
"I think it's this next door, but let me warn you, he might not exactly be what you left behind." That smirk reappears as he shows me into the room, alone. After I'm half way in, the door slams and the lock clicks. A whirling sound comes from the ceiling and for a second I think I' m going to be squashed, but instead a platform appears and stops once it hits the bottom of the floor. There's a body, on-it----
"'Star?" My voice is dry, cold, and hoarse, he lifts up his head slightly as I approach, his once clear handsome face is smeared with his own blood. His uniform and body are much the same way, tattered and blood soaked. His eyes are surrounded by blood where their should by white, his eyes, his --star? It's on the wrong side. Are they trying to provoke me into feeling anything for him again?
"What's wrong April? " the intercom blasts out his voice.
"I-" I go to say something, but I remember that that's what he wants me to do. Betray myself.
"I guess Pryor's little trick didn't work as good as she'd planned. Not to worry, this might be a tad cliche for me, but since Arcades dead I find no reason not to use it." Yeah, yeah, yeah, get to the point."But since you wanted to see him. Shatterstar? If you'll please come out and say hi to your old friend?"
And like a puppy he comes through the ceiling, landing by his dummy. Decked out in his purple uniform, with to utility belts making a tight X across his chest. I want to run to him but then my mind screams with all the scornful memories I've collected during my visit. But something isn't right I can not put my finger on it, but something about the way he stands, the way he looks tells me that I might lose an arm if I move. His once kind eyes are stone, so much like dad, but I know that he isn't like Dad, that he doesn't hate me. And if he doesn't now, he soon will.
"April.." He states, sounds like he hasn't been talking much either, we stand here like two broken dolls. His face changes moods though when I call my metal to screen me, I don't want to see me like I was just to see me as I am, the thing he made me.
"April. What's wrong?" He's mocking me?! His nerve is great indeed, I'll give him that. He starts to come forward, for every step he comes I go back two. He will never touch me again as long as I live. This is certain. I form a knife, one of my favorite things for hurting and lunge at him. He is totally unexpecting enough that we land, him on bottom knife in his stomach, a few feet away from were we stood.
"April?! Why--?"***She's attacked me, my instincts tell me to fight back, but this is April. She wouldn't be able to stand it. What have they done to her? ***
"Why?! You can ask me that? This isn't even a precent of pain of what I've gone through and you didn't come. That's why they broke my body, but you, you the one that said you loved me, broke my heart and that hurts ten times as worse."***Her voice is so cold, I'm sorry April but if you will not let me up--*** Before she could tell, Shatterstar had flipped there position, she was held down by his weight her arms and legs pinned with his own.
"I came for you, believe me, they've kept me away."
"That's enough." Joseph commanded grabbing April by her metal and walking her over and out of the door.
He said he came for me earlier, but can I believe him to be sincere? Do I want to take the chance of being hurt all over again? Do I really need that now that I am healed? Even if he did come when he said he did he'll want nothing to do with me now that I've hurt him. Indeed I have not fully begun to inflict the pain which I want him to receive.The kind of pain I swore never to give- My sixteenth birthday, he was going to surprise me, which he did not fail to do
"You may open them now"
I remember opening my eyes and the heavenly site that stood before me, the river was captured in an embrace with the setting sun as the coming stars brought forth their own majestic beauty. And he was by my side sharing my birthday sunset with me.
He had let me admire it for what felt like an eternity before he took me by the hand and lead me away. Down the muddy slope skirted with patches of grass, and we lay beneath the safety of the bridge. Their we were one all alone, we were free from wondering eyes and passing cars he showed me what it meant to be loved. And after we recovered, he said something's I knew I'd never forget.
"April, are you okay?" His voice was with the up most concern. I hurt but I knew that it wouldn't last. I looked at him, tracing his star, and smiled with a nod of my head he continued."Do you-- I guess _care_ for me in anyway?" I didn't start to talk until a few minutes later.
"I just gave you something no one else can ever have. And I hopefully you except my heart as well?"
"Thank you." And he gently kissed my lips. That's the day he became my Star. The star that broke my heart, that didn't come for me. But he said, My God, he did come, Magneto made me lose hope and then let me lash out at the one that holds my heart. He came and I hurt him even though I said I never would.
"I love you, April." I heard the words barley breathes out before he opened his eyes, from the instant they were said I started to get lighthearted and giddy.
"You can say that now but will you hurt me later?"
"Never, And your sweetness and descent, I know will never harm me, will they my April?" I ran my through his ginger hair and replied with all my heart
"I will not, in anyway, hurt you my Star."
And I meant everything I said, but now I have went back on my promise not only to him but to my self as well. Heaven forgive me. I have been used for the last time. If he came, then I will set him free. Even if he is no longer my Star anymore, weather I like it or not I will always love him, I will always be his April.
***I never expected her to do that, to create my pain, if she only knew what I've been going through since she's been missing. The human heartache of thinking she's lost to me forever? She's stayed in my thoughts since I left and she repays my faith, and love by pain? She _did_ looked shocked when I told her that I came for her. Magneto must have with held the information from her, so she is not to blame for her actions. No matter how much I am tempted.***
Pulling your heart out from under the knife
Closing the door on over dreams
And finding out that nothing feels as good
As letting go