1. And Lo! There came Samuel, son of Guthrie to this land, and he learned much from the great teachers of his time. And in his time with the man called Cable, verily, he too was under the curse of Liefied, and was drawn like a chicken.

2. And it did happen that Samuel, son of Guthrie did come to die in a manner most ghastly. Truly did he die from shame, as his costume was so bad, and verily, did those little dangly bits on his helmet get in the way all the time.

3. And Lo! it came to pass that Samuel, son of Guthrie was reborn amongst great joy and praises, and the people did cry out
"Thou art a Highlander Rip-off, and thou knowest it!"

4. And it happened that Saint Peter did cast his eyes towards his Lord and speaketh thus
"Another season ticket, Lord?"

5. And verily there was a time of great suffering and much dangling of plots, except for he known as NightCrawler, whose danglings were held up by his new costume. And truly did these great beings change mightily before the eyes of the people, even though that was indecent exposure in most parts of the world.

6. And in these dark times did the people of the world cry out for their children, waging mighty war upon those who had wronged them. And did the plains run red with blood, and terrible cries of
"We Want Dani Back!!!'
"What happened to Reignfire?!!"
"ShatterStar is Not Gay!!!"

7. And the people crieth out to the Lord for a reckoning
"Lord, we need some continuity! Cast out this BOB from thy sacred realm!"
And the Lord replieth
"Truly, it would cost money, and his presence is too deeply entwined in this world. But how about I get you a larger Letters page, instead?"

And woe, there was much suffering.

1. And it did happen that Paige, daughter of Guthrie, did come to power, although Power did not come unto her, for truly did he prefer brunettes. And she did learn much, for her teacher was she known only as the White Queen, she who was blessed with great powers of telepathy, fortitude, and the ability to wear lots of white leather and get away with it.

2. And it came to pass that Joshua, son of Guthrie did come to power, and did take his place beside his brother in this time of suffering. And the people of the land did cry out unto the Family of Guthrie, asking of them
"Are you related to the Summers at all?"

3. And it did happen that Samuel, son of Guthrie, did take his place as a leader of men, assuming his rightful mantle as President of the United States. And there was much rejoicing.

4. And Samuel, son of Guthrie, did take the lady Tabitha to be his wife. And there was much rejoicing. And the people of the land did see the Lady Tabitha, and did see her costume, and did realize the nature of her dress sense.
And lo, the rejoicing ceased.

5. And lo! Did the Onslaught appear, and he did issue a challenge to all who would deny him. But everyone ignored him, so he went away again.

1. And it did happen that once more did the dread lord Apocalypse lead his mighty army across the land. And the people did live in fear, for truly was there great pain and death, and truly much Playing his Walkman Too Loud on the Busse.

2. And the people did cry out unto him
"Thou art dead!"
"We did see thee truly die before our own eyes!"
"You're not related to the Summers, by any chance?"

3. And Apocalypse did reply unto the people
"Yea, though I did die, truly was I raised from the dead for I have a season ticket, which I got by saving the coupons on the back of cereal boxes"

4. And Saint Peter did here of this and did storm out from the pearly gates with a great cry
"I Quit! Another bloody season ticket!!!"

5. And the Lord did look upon him and say
"You really should cut down on the coffee, mate"

6. And the war did rage on between the family of Summers and the dread lord Apocalypse, for truly Apocalypse had not returned the lawnmower he had borrowed.

1. And it did happen that the mother of Apocalypse did arrive, and she did visit unto her son, and did say unto him
"Oooh you're looking awfuly pale, Sabah. Are you eating all right? And are you still not getting along with that nice young Summers boy?"

2. And Apocalypse did cry out and reply unto his mother
"Mother! I am three thousand years old! And thou still treateth me like a child!!"

3. And she did reply unto him and yea, pincheth his cheek
"Aww, but you'll always be my little boy"

And woe, there was much suffering in the house of Apocalypse.