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Author's note: This would be around UXM #204.


The Cost Of Loving You

by Suzene Campos

I followed at your heels
Without your knowledge
Gypsy girl in strange new world
I defied my mother
I forsake my language
I changed my name
I left all I knew behind
That was the cost of loving you
And I paid it gladly

I met with you again
Teased you with a stranger's
Oddly familiar wiles and ways
Keeping hid the disappointment inside
When you responded so quickly
I watched you push aside Jimiane
For what you thought was a new heart
It was so soon, Kurt
Did you forget about me?
But that was the cost of loving you
And it was all necessary

We rode through Mutti's wrath
I stood beside you in victory
My mask thrown aside
Center of the circle
Eye of the storm
Doubting myself
Was this our victory or Stefan's betrayal?
I push those thoughts away
For this is the cost of loving you
And I'd do it again in a minute

My own goals are finished
My fight is over and yet just starting
Your devotion is split
You have me and you have the dream
I try to accept this
But I cannot stand outside of it
The dream is a whirlpool
And I'm forever being sucked in
Hostage or ally, the result is the same
My life at risk, my future uncertain
Still, this is the cost of loving you
And I tell myself it's not your fault

Gray rain hits the window, hiding my tears
You've lost your faith, my love
Looking into yourself and whispering
"Am I a coward?"
Looking at the sky and screaming
"Is there no God?"
Looking at me and asking
"Do I really love you?"
After all we've endured
The words are crueler than a blow
And I run, fearing what may follow
As I pull further away from you
My heart is breaking
Now I've seen the cost of loving you
And it's too high a price to pay

Good-bye, Kurt


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