By the way, this is a work of humourous BS, and should not be taken seriously. If you do, I am in no way responsible for the consequences.

"Both of you, out. You know the rules." The bouncer gently but firmly pushed Joseph and Gambit outside and shut the door marked 'Mainstream Characters Only' behind them. Seconds later they both ducked as the bouncer hurled a 'fic who'd gotten lost right over the top of them.

"Here we are, mainstreams, legions of devoted fans and writers and they won't let us smoke inside. I tell you, Remy, there's no justice in subreality." Joseph took a long drag on his cigarette and settled down on the step with his back against the wall.

"But what can y'do?" They smoked in companionable silence for a few minutes and watched as the unfortunate 'fic picked itself up and walked away.

"Sometimes I almost wish that I was one of them. Lots of breaks, a little respect, a writer of my own to harass."

"You tried it too, huh?" Gambit rolled his eyes. "Dese fanfic writers listen. You try t'have a quick word with Howard Mackie-"

"Or Milligan and Gonzalez!" Joseph interrupted.

" And dey jus' ignore you. Don' even see you. By the way, who was responsible for Uncanny #350? I want t'give haunting another try. I just about froze my butt off."

"I checked the player's copy, there's just a script writer. Either it was one big conspiracy or they're just afraid to own up to it."

"Damn. Dey're onto us." There was another short silence, and then Cannonball walked up.

"Hey, Ah read #350. Tough break guys. Mah condolences."

"T'anks, Sam. Want a ciggie?" Sam shrugged.

"Don't mind if Ah do." He settled down and lit up happily. "Oh, Ah needed that. You n' Wolverine are lucky, Ah have t' wait until I get off."

"Tell me about it." Joseph grumbled. "I have to pretend that I remember nothing, which I hate, I have to act like I'm in love with Rogue, which I'm not, and I can't smoke because I'm being a disgusting little goody-goody!"

"Y'know, Joseph (sorry, Ah know y' hate that name, but if Ah don't keep usin' it Ah forget) you look like your slipping sometimes, actin' a little more like your old self." The Character Formerly Known As Erik And Now Reluctantly Joseph shook his head.

"That's what they call a plot around here. I'm doing it on purpose."

"Ah. That would explain it."

They were discussing when Legacy would be cured when Jubilee stormed up.

"Jesus f*****g Christ! Is a birthday and a decent haircut too much to ask? The hair'll grow I s'pose, but I wanna get older!" She plonked down next to Gambit. "Can I have one?"

"You're too young, Petit."

"That's not my fault."

"True." Joseph leaned forwards and looked at her seriously. "Alright, but only one. Your lungs are still growing." Jubilee snorted as she absently went through Gambit's pockets for a lighter.

"They'll be growing for the next forty years at this rate. Of course, after breathing Angelo's air for forty years…" Sam propped his feet up on the edge of a flowerbed.

"Y'know he doesn't mean to, Jubes. He thinks it's a filthy, disgusting habit, but the writers make him do it. Maybe it'll grow on him in the next forty years."

Rogue wandered out of the door.

"Hey, Remy, Ah'm real sorry about leavin' ya out in the snow like that. You know I wouldn't have really."

"O'course I do, Cheri. Nothing to forgive." Rogue smiled and squished herself in between Jubilee and Gambit, who wrapped an arm around her waist. Joseph looked at them and smiled the contented and self-satisfied smile of the successful matchmaker.

Cannonball stood up, stepped on the end of his cigarette and breathed out the last of the smoke. He stretched and winced.

"Well, gotta go. This running backwards and forwards between a regular series and an LS where Ah play two characters is killing me. Let's not forget the quickie appearances."

"Don't worry, Sam, just one more issue to go." Jubilee smiled sympathetically. He smiled back at her and headed off up the path signposted as 'To the Marvel Universe. Licensed concepts only.' He waved at Skin, who was coming down the path more ostentatiously marked 'Come see yourself as you never were! View the FICWORLDS!!' Angelo just gave him an agonized look and hurried towards the group of smokers.

"It's not faaaiiiiiir! I don't wanna be a mainstream anymore!" He sat down in Cannonball's vacated spot and buried his head melodramatically in his hands.

"What's with you, Ange? Ya see something ya didn't like?" Jubilee grinned.

"Worse!" Gambit and Joseph looked over at each other and nodded slightly. They knew what was coming. "I just checked up on what the alternate me's were doing, and I found out what they're doing!" Jubilee looked confused.

"So? That's what you wanted wasn't it?" Gambit leaned over Rogue and patted Jubilee's shoulder.

"He means dere gettin' laid and he ain't, 'cause Marvel don' hold wit' teenage sex."

"It's not just that. They're having successful relationships. With nice reasonable ups and downs and everything! And getting married. They even have kids! But I'm stuck here, doomed to never get older, or have a reasonable relationship until I've anguished about it for at least ten years!"

"Hey, Remy and I know how you feel. Do you have any idea how many incredible women we've slept with? Neither do we, there's something really perverse about watching yourself and not having been a part of it. But soon you'll go numb, everybody does. If you're not working much, you can even get a spot with a new writer sometimes, until you evolve too far and become someone else. That's fun." Gambit grinned.

"Oh yeah! Some of it you'd swear wasn't even physically possible…" He caught Rogue's eye and broke off. "O'course, I haven't done dat for -"

"Weeks?" Joseph suggested with a smirk. Gambit glared at him.

"I was going to say years, unlike some people!"

"I can't get in anymore! There aren't many good ones for a young Magneto or Joseph. I've even tried faking being older, but they just see right though me. Oh well, I suppose I've got too much work as it is." Rogue tossed up mentioning to Skin that mainstreams inserting themselves into fics was against the rules, but decided against it. Nobody listened anyway.

Joseph was just finishing off the last of his cigarette when the red light above the door started to flash and a bored male voice blared from the loudspeaker.

"All Generation X cast members report to the Bullpen immediately. You're on in five. Repeat, all Gen X cast members to the Bullpen immediately." Jubilee and Angelo groaned and dragged themselves up.

"Catch you guys later."

"See ya." They left the same way Cannonball had, Jubilee turned back and waved before stepping onto the platform and disappearing in a column of light. Remy the thief smiled to himself as he reminisced. He, Storm, Wolverine and Magneto (back when he'd been a vegetable and had lots of free time) had done a daring break-and-enter on a nearby Star Trek: Next Generation website to steal the transporter technology. They'd pulled it off easily, those security systems hadn't been designed with mutants in mind. That little run in with whatshisname, the Klingon guy, didn't really count as a hitch. They'd been on their way out anyway, and he hadn't recognised them. Forge's addition of the future technology to the Café had made things quicker and easier for everyone. Of course they'd had a revenge raid the following week, but Bishop's gun was no great loss. Bishop certainly didn't miss it.

The remaining three stood up and prepared to go inside as Cyclops walked past them. Jean opened the door just as he reached for it. Both original X-Men stiffened, and with forced (and silent) politeness managed to get through the narrow doorway without touching each other.

"I've been more polite to fanboys than that, sweetheart." Joseph grinned and Jean wrapped her arms around his neck.

"He is, didn't you know that darling?" Gambit and Rogue sniggered before tactfully slipping back inside and leaving them alone. Working in different titles gave the Lensherr's bugger all time to spend together.