and
Larry Upman IIIYou're worried about Amanda? asked the dragon, lowering her head to the ground.
"Sort of." admitted Ororo, gazing at her reflection in Teesa's great eyeball. It was an errie view. "I was just thinking about something. For the past few weeks, Amanda has been going around looking like something that the cat had rejected."
Cat? What cat?
"Figure of speech." sighed Storm. Having a conversation with Teesa
could be a challange sometimes. "Anyway, once she said that she wanted to talk. I sat down with her, but she didn't say anything for a long time. Then she got this really desperate expression on her face and said that she felt like she was losing her mind. I asked her why, but she just gave me this... this really strange look and shook her head. Then she apologized and left." She paused. "I guess I chalked it up to her having to deal with our sudden arrival. Goddess knows that I'm feeling a bit unsettled myself. I don't know... I just thought if I could bring it up sometime, she might talk about it. But then she seemed to get a handle on herself."
She tried to hide it. agreed Teesa. And did a good job. So why do you feel guilty? She was not even around all that much for you to help.
"I'm responsible for more than just making sure that the members of this team don't kill anyone besides the trainees. I'm supposed to be their friend, especially to someone I've known as long as I've known Amanda. But I don't see how I can be any sort of friend to her if I can't help her with whatever's bothering her."
Or if she can't trust you to?
"That too."
Teesa shrugged her massive shoulders. You can't help someone who won't let you, it's as simple as that. But don't feel so bad. She says she feels love for Fuzzy, but she's not told him of her problems either. She thought about it for a second. It wasn't that Teesa didn't have emotions. They were just different from those of most humans, and therefore it was hard for her to comprehend the actions of her paladin. Spitfire thinks he knows what he's talking about. But I don't think he knows Amanda as well as he says. She didn't tell him either. I think you should give her the choice by looking for her. She looked away from Storm and towards the rising moon. If you're going to hunt for her tomorrow, you should sleep.
"Thanks for listening, Teesa." yawned Ororo, standing up and stamping out the last of the fire. The dragon shifted her own weight as she prepared to get up.
Storm?
"Yeah?"
Hope you find her...
'I'll be damned.' thought Ororo. 'She does care.'
...she still has magic to teach me. finished Teesa.
Storm grinned. "Sure thing, dragon. G'night."
Amanda groaned and dragged her eyes open. The wolfen woman climbed out of the tree she had spent the night in, using an upraised arm to try and shield her eyes from the bright sunlight filtering through the leaves.
'Stupid, stupid, stupid.' she thought, stretching her cramped muscles. There was a deep ache in her bones that had little to do with staying splayed out in a tree in the pre-dawn hours. 'Nyn TOLD you to take it easy.' she thought to herself, trying to rub the soreness out of her still reginerating muscles. Running for most of night, even at a wolf's natural mile-eating pace, was not conductive to convalescence. Part of her felt... relieved. This had to be where she belonged. This was right, to be out here in the wild. Life and death both came easily out here. It seemed to be chaos, but it wasn't... but she could be part of it.
Amanda shook herself out of it. 'What the hell was that about?' Amanda enjoyed the occasional camping trip or hike, but she'd never been a survival extremist! She heard the gurgle of water. Had to be a stream not too far off.
She started walking towards it, still mulling over what had
just gone through her mind. Those couldn't have been her thoughts.
Creator's oath! In her opinion, the three most important products of human civilization were indoor plumbing, refined sugar, and tequila. No way those thoughts had come out of her head.
But they had. And they held temptation... strong temptation. With her magikal powers and her enhanced wolf-senses, she could survive without Excalibur. More than survive, she could conquer...
"That taint. That Creator-cursed taint!" she spat. That had to be it. Her dark side. Her repressed desires. A slight grin creased her face at the thought of the last. There weren't many of them, she had to admit. But the ones that she did have were more deadly. They were her violent... and murderous ones. That made them all the more dangerous when they came to the surface.
Damn Emperor Longshot for tainting her magic! She had her full
powers back, but it might be at the cost of what self she had! If S'ognolth Adaman hadn't killed him already, Amanda gladly would have. Damn him, damn Lancelot for taking her powers, and damn Margali for teaching her the ways of the mystic to begin with!
She reached the stream. Actually, calling it a stream was too kind. It was more of a creek. Didn't matter. It was clear and deep enough to get a clean drink and splash her face without getting
grit in her eyes. Amanda went human and stared down at her reflection. Her skin was dark with dirt and her hair was a golden tumbleweed.
"I look as wild as a gypsy." she muttered and giggled. The people that she had lived with for most of her childhood would have been insulted. No way would they have let someone as unkempt and as unstable looking as she was anywhere near their camp. She looked like a crazy-woman.
'That's right. Think about anything except what you've thrown away.' she mocked herself, trying to keep thoughts of Kurt and Kitrina out of her mind. She'd never be able to stay away otherwise. Tenseing herself against the chill liquid, Amanda stepped into the knee-deep water and ducked under a couple of times. A handful of sand from the bank roughly scoured away the dirt from her skin and scalp, leaving Amanda's body a glowing pink, and feeling abraded and raw.
She stepped back onto the bank and conjured a pile of clothing. As she dressed, Amanda pulled the snarls from her hair with her fingers and fluffed it out to dry. Sefton took another look at her reflection. She was a very comely woman. Her eyes narrowed and her her lips peeled back in a snarl.
"You're a weak woman, Sefton, and I hate you." she growled softly.
"So you're trying to make sure everyone else does too, is that right?"
Amanda nearly gave herself a case of whiplash as she snapped her head around to face Kurt's voice. Nightcrawler stood not ten paces behind her.
Amanda was on her feet in another second. She creek was not very wide. She could cross it in one good leap and head for the trees beyond. Amanda readied herself for the jump... and stumbled back as Kurt teleported in front of her.
"No, my love, we are going to talk this time." There was no
anger in his voice, but he wasn't going to let her avoid things this time.
Amanda steadied herself, getting over her first instinct to bolt and trying to think. It didn't help. All she wanted to do was run away from having to face up to her mate.
"I don't want to." she said softly, getting ready to turn and run. Fuzzy stepped forward and grabbed her wrist before she could.
"Tough." Part of her mind went wild with fear at being trapped. She supressed it for a minute, because she knew that Kurt wouldn't hurt her, but her own nature worked against her. Amanda didn't like being held to anything or by anyone. In another instant, Nightcrawler was holding on to a werewolf which had her free clawed hand raised to strike.
He didn't move. It wasn't arrogance or stubborness. He was simply letting her choose. Neither one of them had ever struck the other with intention to truly hurt. If Amanda used those claws that she was threatning him with, there could no longer be any sort of relationship between the two of them. If that was the price at which Amanda wanted to keep her secrets, it was her choice, but he wouldn't let her go unless there was no more hope. Kurt looked up and held her eyes for a heartbeat.
Amanda lowered both her gaze and her hand, slowly shifting back to human as she got a hold of herself. "You can let go now." she said, her voice steeped in bitterness at being known so well and at her own inability to let go of her love for him. "I won't fight and I won't run."
Fuzzy trusted her word and let go of her wrist. Amanda lowered herself onto the grass in a cross-legged posiition and sat there, pretending not to care if he joined her or not. Kurt continued to stand. She waved at the spot next to her.
"Please...?" Kurt sat.
For a long time, neither one said a word. Finally Amanda broke the
silence. "Are the others coming?"
"Nein, I let Sioned know that I'd found you. But I know several people who will want to have long talks with you when we get back to camp."
Amanda's defiant glare met his eyes. "Who said I was going back? What makes you think I will?"
"Our daughter for one thing!" Kurt spoke sharply. Amanda might like her liberty, but she also had responsiblities. He didn't mean to let her forget that.
Amanda's eyes softened at the mention of Kitrina. Fuzzy saw that and gentled his tone. "For another, you owe Nynaeve an explanation at least."
"What went on in my past or happens in my mind is my business!" hissed Amanda. "She had no right to pry!"
"I say she had several very good reasons. You could have killed yourself."
"So she told you. You and who else?"
"The entire team knows about your attempt to get back into Amalgam, 'Manda, and that there's something going on in your head that you won't share with us. Beyond that, she said there wasn't much to tell." Kurt watched as Amanda withdrew a little more into herself.
"I don't need to go back." she said softly. "You're a better parent to Kit than I could ever be." Fuzzy kept on the subject of their daughter, hoping to get Amanda to open up a little.
"I doubt that. Even if it were true, it doesn't matter. She misses you just as much." Amanda was silent. "Talk to me. I love you Amanda, nothing you can say will change that. I swear on my heart and soul."
His lover looked up and gave him a twisted smile. "It's so easy to say that." she murmered, ripping up a handfull of grass blades.
Fuzzy got to his feet and brushed himself off. "If we don't even have that basic level of trust, then this whole thing is pointless." he said flatly, turning to leave. A low voice behind him whispered something.
"What?"
"I ruined my life..." Amanda repeated. Fuzzy sat back down, feeling doubts well up in his chest.
"You mean when I asked you to join Excalibur and you accepted?" Amanda's head snapped up. "God, no! You're the best thing that ever happened to me!" She reached out hesitantly, as if afraid that he might reject her touch, and lightly held his hand for a second. Before he could clasp hers, she withdrew again. "The the only things in my life that I wouldn't change are having you, Kit, and the team in it."
"The only things?" he asked in a slightly disbelieving tone. Amanda paused as if actually running back through her entire life.
"The only things." she affirmed, took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "If I had known then what I know now, I'd never have accepted the power that mother offered me. I'd never have taken Lancelot as a teacher o-or a lover. I'd never have gotten involved with Limbo demons. I'd never have taken that tainted magic that 'Longshot' offered me... Creator only knows what else." She looked down. "Sometimes, I think I'd just rather have not been born or I just wish I'd die."
Kurt was still trying to follow the list that she'd just reeled off. Most of it didn't make any sense to him, for Amanda had not ever explained any of her life to him in any sort of detail. Amanda's last sentence snapped him out of it.
"You don't mean that." he said firmly.
"Maybe not about the dying. I'd be leaving too much behind. But if I had the chance to go interupt my parents on the night that they made me, I'd jump at it."
Kurt wasn't sure how to respond to that, or even if he should. As it seemed that Amanda was about to say something else, he decided to remain silent.
Amanda uttered a sharp bark of laughter. "You know, once I almost asked Tym if he would take me back about 9 months before I was born, but that would have been a little suspicious, don't you think?"
"Probably." agreed Fuzzy, trying to decide if Amanda was being serious, just toying with him, or going utterly mad. She caught him scrutinizing her face.
"Don't look at me like that!" Amanda snapped. "You want to know what's wrong with me and I'm trying to tell you!" She really hadn't wanted to tell him like this, but it was the only thing that she could do. As she saw it, the only options open to her were to spill her guts or lose the love of her life. Despite what she'd attempted, she could not simply leave... especially with Fuzzy sitting right there in front of her. She could sneak away but not turn her back on him. Amanda wished that she could hate him for it. She took another moment to collect her thoughts in one place and plowed ahead.
"I guess this all started when I left for Lancelot's keep. It wasn't such a big deal at first. I was homesick..." Here Amanda's mouth twisted into that quirky grin once more. "I even missed you."
"Nice to know you cared." Kurt responded dryly.
"I always did. I just didn't recognize what I felt for you as anything more than a light crush. Maybe it wasn't... I don't know. I had the typical teen-age fancy that love was supposed to be like... like a fire inside or something. Not comfortable or familiar. We saw each other every single day before I left. Besides," she smiled again, "we were still at that stage where I was tying your tail to the tent posts and you were dropping insects down my shirt. We were too young take that kind of thing seriously, Kurt, and it didn't help to have everyone treating us like were really related."
"I took it very seriously, liebchen. I missed you more than I thought it was possible to miss someone."
"I wish I'd known." Amanda looked up at him, her expresive green eyes a mixture of sadness and... something else. She seemed to be trying to get a glimpse something turned inward. That wary, almost malicious look that she'd worn for so long vanished and she looked like herself for the first time in months. Kurt couldn't resist the urge to wrap his arms around her, but when he moved, Amanda's eyes snapped back into focus and that mistrusful look returned.
"Sorry." she said stiffly, drawing back an inch. "I must have zoned out for a second. Anyway, I was lonely. That didn't last for two long. There were a couple of other students there: Trinae and Bapta'an. Trinae was just finishing her apprenticeship. That's why I was there, to take her place. Things didn't look so bad... after all, misery loves company and all of that. Hell, I even had a gorgeous teacher to develop a fixation on." She took a long shuddery breath, as if steeling herself against something unpleasant.
"I guess I was almost 15 when I took him as my... lover. That's a stupid term, isn't it? I don't think there was any love on his part... or mine for that matter. I thought there was at the time. But I've got that perfect hindsight thing. Lancelot didn't want someone to love, he wanted someone he could dominate. Voila, here comes Jimaine Szardos. That was the kind of role I was perfect for. But I didn't have anything to compare it too, so I guessed that that was how it was supposed to be.
"Things went on like this for a while. I was bonded to Spitfire, was learning the ways of the mystic, and getting fucked over body and mind just about every night. Then Bapta'an proposed an experiment.
"'Ta'an was prophet... or training to be one at least. He was curious about every aspect and theory in recombiant magiks. He wanted to try combining a small portion of my abilities with his. I was up for a little excitement, so we tried weaving a spell that was supposed to transfer our abilities. It was working, Kurt, it really was. I-it was wonderful... like getting a glimpse into someone else's soul. I think I retained some of his powers, but they only came to the surface once.* (see Deadpool #1/2) Then something just slammed down on the link. It might have been an error in the spell, but I think Lancelot interferred. He was the first thing I saw when I came around and he was furious. Then 'Ta'an woke up and told him some things about how he was treating us that I should have told him long before.
"Next thing I know, there's this popping snap, and Bapta'an's in Limbo with me. Before we're there twenty minutes, we wind up being tracked down by Nistrisa and some of her... friends. Bapta'an told me to run and I did. But I shouldn't have..."
Through all of this, Fuzzy had remained silent. This was the most that he'd ever heard Amanda say at one time. He hadn't expected her to say much and he would have been satisfied with a partial explanation. He was also worried that saying anything would cause her to close up again and he did want her too keep talking. It was obvious that they hadn't gotten to what was really bothering Amanda... but they were that much closer. He also felt a slight thrill that, though she obviously recalled none of this with fondness, she was opening up to him. She wasn't
turning away or starting to say something and changing her mind. Kurt decided to try and keep her talking.
"Why?"
Amanda looked at the ground. When she spoke, her voice was cracking with emotion, but her eyes remained dry. "Because he was a friend, as dear to me as Queen or Tymwalker or Longshot. He didn't deserve to die like that. He didn't even have the respect given by being buried! And when he was in trouble, I ran. Just like I always do..." She rested her forehead on her knees. "Sure you want to hear the rest of this? It's pure self-pity the whole way through."
This time, Kurt did hold on to her. It was like hugging a lump of clay, but he didn't care. "If it's hurt you to rein it in for so long, then yes. I want to hear it, if only so you can have some peace."
'Peace? Oh, that is such a joke!' Amanda jeered to herself mentaly. Aside from a quick flash of anger on her face, it didn't show itself. Though Kurt kept her enfolded in his arms, Amanda didn't capitulate and relax against him.
"I think I realized that I didn't love Lancelot when he finally came to retrieve us. I came completley unglued and told him what happened, begged him to go back and look for Bapta'an. He told me to go through the dimensional gate before he changed his mind and left me." Fuzzy restrained himself from tightening his grip on Amanda. That would certainly explain her relunctance to open up up to him. She'd been exposed to the exact antithesis of what he thought a loving or even healthy relationship should be the very first time she'd fallen for someone. The furry mutant found himself glad that they'd most likely never have to cross paths with Lancelot again. He felt that he'd be forced to murder the mystic.
Amanda felt him stiffen for a second and guessed the cause. "Don't worry. I gave Lancelot something to think about last time we met." Fuzzy looked unconvinced. Amanda went on.
"I was 17 when I became pregnant with Lucas. I knew Lancelot wouldn't suffer him to live... so I left with Spitfire."
"Lancelot is Lucas' father?! I didn't know." He thought about the swarthy, dark-skinned Lancelot and then pictured Lucas. The boy must have inherited more of Amanda's looks than Kurt had thought. "I never would have guessed."
"You don't know how happy Lucas would be if he heard that. He's not too fond of his sire."
"Lancelot just doesn't have a magnetic personality." For some reason, both of them were pleased that this was going from a monologue to an actual conversation. "So when did you find out about Lucas?"
"Not for a long time... I knew that I had another kid right before
Strangefate attacked Amalgam, but I didn't know that it was Lucas until
later. Remember that time I left for Limbo and Vixen tried to help cover it up?"
Kurt nodded. "I do. I also recall you promising to stop making wild, life-endangering dashes for no good reason. Yet here we are." Amanda winced at Kurt's ire, but made no effort to defend her actions. Fuzzy let go of her and moved around so that they were face to face. "What is it?" Amanda turned her head aside. He tried again.
"I'm sorry if I upset you. If you don't want to tell me anymore, you don't have to."
"It wasn't you. You have a right to be upset. I lied to you." Amanda avoided his eyes as if he were a basilisk. Her throat worked, but her mouth wouldn't form the words that she wanted, so she kept it shut.
"Take as long as you need." offered Fuzzy. He meant no pressure, but the contrary nature of Amanda's mind pushed the words out almost at once.
"I'm unclean. Tainted." she murmered, forgetting the elaborations that she had planned to pin to the explanation. Kurt's brow furrowed.
"You mean by what happened with Lancelot?" he asked. "That was not..." But Amanda began to shake her head violently.
"No, no, no, no..." She calmed herself with an effort. She'd kept herself very well controlled so far and she didn't intend to let it break now. Her hands flew up to her face and she hid behind them for nearly a minute.
"When Emperor Longshot first penetrated Excalibur, he offered me a powers sphere and claimed that Lancelot said to give it to me. That should have warned me off... but I wanted my powers back so badly! I guess I knew as soon as I infused the thing that I was tainted, but I told myself a million things to explain it. A million excuses: I was just getting used to being fully powered again, I was feeling guilty about that mess with Mandi, my body was still adjusting t-to carrying a baby..." Amanda's control was slipping. Kurt could see it, but didn't try to stop it's progress. It might hurt her now, but it was the only thing that could help her heal.
Amanda buried her face in her arms and let out a muffled sob. "What if I infected Kit too?" she whispered. "What if my daughter is going through this same mess just because I was stupid enough to drown out my better judgement and take that power?" She gasped loudly, trying to choke down her crying and get air into her lungs at the same time.
Fuzzy tried to calm her down, though the thought of some sort of evil magic lurking within his daughter's mind chilled his blood. But Amanda's peace of mind was more important at the moment.
"I'm sure it doesn't mean that Kit has been invaded." But Amanda wasn't having any of it.
"Do you understand? My magic was pretty weak after Lancelot took my powers, but at least it was good! Now, any spell that I cast, even a healing spell, has evil implications in it! The only person that it's safe for my powers to be used on is me! Why do you think I don't use my healing powers on other people when there's an option? Or try not to do any magic that involves direct contact with another person? By keeping it limited to me, it recycles that taint, like a feed-back loop. I keep it contained."
"And what does that do to you?" Kurt's concern was audible.
Amanda shrugged slightly. "Under ordinary circumstances? The more I'd try to keep it contained, the more pressure from my darker side would keep it building up. When it would reach a sort of critical mass... boom."
"Boom?"
"My tainted side would overcome whatever was left of my regular mind and you'd wind up with a heavily amplified version of Soggy on your hands." Kurt didn't smile at Amanda's use of the team's nickname for S'ogloth Adaman. "Longshot was the one helping me control it. Everytime I'd drain energy from him, his... goodness of spirit is the closest that I can come to naming it... dilutes whatever been built up. It doesn't give me a clean slate, but it took the edge off. But there was a problem with that too."
'Of course.' thought Kurt, who was becoming steadly more agitated. This was worse than he'd thought. If Amanda had only been being troubled by her past, they could have found a way to work through it together. If she had been being threatened by a tangible enemy, he could have fought on her behalf. But this left him helpless. Amanda was being attacked from within, and there was not a thing he could do to help her.
"I did't instinctively turn to 'Shot when I was low on power, which, since I'm being honest, hasn't happened for a long time. I just draw it raw from the atmosphere of this world. Then it takes on my charateristics." Amanda's emotions had swung again, going from a near breakdown, to total control once more. Thinking about what she might have done to Kit had breached her feelings. Knowing what was slowly distroying her seemed to leave little impression on her. That she thought so little of herself saddend Kurt.
"And there's nothing you can do about it?" he asked, looking for a
solution. "Couldn't Emma or Sioned help?"
"Can't risk it. This thing is worse than crabs. Give it a chance to latch into anyone else's mind or soul, and it'll take it. Even Longshot was at risk, even though he didn't have any other option. Now he's gone, and that little edge that I had is too. Let's just face it, OK, Fuzzy? I'm on barrowed time."
'That should do it.' she sighed inwardly.
Then, to her supreme embarrasment, Amanda began to cry. It didn't make sense, it just didn't! She had been steeling herself for this ever since she'd first admitted to herself about this taint, for she knew she couldn't keep it to herself forever. So why couldn't she stop the tears from running down her face or get rid of that burning tightness in her chest that was forcing her to gasp for air once more? Amanda had to ready for his anger, fear, revulsion... and rejection, or she wouldn't be able to take this. The last thing that she'd expected was to be embraced again and for Fuzzy to start to mumbling soothing reasurances to her. She was surprised enough to push him away.
"Why won't you hate me?" she asked, raising her head to look at him, though he was just a blue blur through her tear-filmed eyes.
Fuzzy put a hand on either side of her face and wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumbs. He gave her a kiss and rested his forehead against hers.
"Come now, you know that hate is a much unused word in my vocabulary. I don't hate Lucas or my mother and I'm certainly not going to hate the woman I love. As for Lancelot, he's a different story. You might have given him something to think about, but if I ever see him, I'll rip him apart."
"But I lied to you!" Amanda protested, still unable to fully absorb that Kurt wasn't even angry.
"You didn't lie to me. It's a part of your past that you were afraid to reveal. We all have dark parts to our past. I'm sure there are things about my past that I haven't told you about." Fuzzy said. "Take a couple of deep breaths before you pass out, love. You've let it out, it'll be a little easier now." Fuzzy stood up, holding Amanda's hands in his. He brought her up with him. "Feeling any better?"
"Some. I thought about what a burden it was. It helped to tell you." Amanda replied.
Fuzzy gave her a kiss. "I know something that might make you feel better." he said putting, an arm around her. Amanda met his eyes warily. For a short while, she had been reliving her past, and equating Kurt with Lancelot. With those thoughts came the old reactions. She half expected Kurt to suggest sex with a thinly vieled command.
"Please, Fuzzy, I'm not in the mood." she managed.
"Hadn't crossed my mind, at least not exactly." Fuzzy said. Fuzzy and Amanda started to walk. Amanda let him lead the way. "So let me get this straight, after you left for the Winding Way, you fell in love with
Lacelot, except he was only using you?" he inquired. Amanda only nodded. It was an over-simplification, but acurate enough. "What a verdamnte swine. I can't stand people who only use others for their own needs."
"I guess I realized it a little too late." Amanda sighed.
"But you did realize it and was able to get away from him before it was too late." Fuzzy reminded her.
"Not soon enough. I had his son. I mean, I love Lucas and all, but I just wish my first child would have come from you." she replied, looking down at the ground and kicking at a rock in her way.
Fuzzy chuckled. "Don't worry about it, you are not the only one who lost their virginity to someone beside their true love." Amanda face scewed up. Kurt explained. "You were gone for ten years or more. I didn't think that I was ever going to hear from you again. Besides, I was going through adolecence and my hormones were even more out of control then they are now." he explained. Amanda cracked a smile and laughed a little. "Mmm, that was good to hear from you." he said, giving her a kiss. "Were you ever able go back and bury Bapta'an properly?"
"Yeah," she muttered, moving a little closer to Kurt. "Spitfire helped me build a cairn over his remains during the same trip that Lucas showed up on."
They continued to walk for awhile, not saying much. Amanda figited with the point of Fuzzy's tail after he wrapped it around her waist. Fuzzy was busy trying to absorb everything that she had just told him. Not being there to see everything first hand, he used his imagination for a lot of it. Lancelot's keep came through as a huge castle built into a mountainside, something perfectly suited as a villian's stronghold. He imagined Amanda and the others training with Lacelot. Then his mind slid to darker images. He saw what Lacelot might have been doing with Amanda while no one else was around. He shook his head to knock the images out. Dark images weren't easy to suppress. He imagined Amanda and Bapta'an doing the spell and then being sent to Limbo. Then he saw the demons killing Bapta'an. He never knew the would-be-prophet, so it was more of a feeling of death then an actual image. He shook his head again and was able to toss most of them off.
"I had no idea you had gone threw so much, Liebchen. It sounds far worse then anything that I went through." Fuzzy said, though he had never labored under the impression that his path had been strewn with flower petals. Amanda didn't say anything, but tightend her grip on his tail and walked a little faster.
Foot-sore and a little tired, they finally reached the pool of unknown liquid nick-named the Lake of Life, a discovery of thiers.
Amanda tensed up. "Kurt, I said I wasn't in the mood." Amanda restated, getting ready to cast a teleport spell should he try to push her in.
"I know. I wasn't going to try to get you to. The water is good for something besides making you horny." he replied gently. Fuzzy took off his shirt, held it by one sleave and dipped edge of the other sleave in the water. "Hold out your hands. Just let the warmth run up your arms. Hopefully, it will help you relax."
Amanda held out her hands and Fuzzy let the water drip from his shirt sleave onto her hands. She breathed deeply as the warmth traveled up her arms.
"Just like when I first put my hand in, before I fell in." said Kurt.
Amanda remembered what he looked like when he first popped up and started to laugh. Her sides began to hurt, but she couldn't stop. Amanda finally just wrapped her arms around herself and keeled over, still giggling.
"What?" Fuzzy asked, delighted that she had found something to be happy about.
"Now that I think back to it, you looked so funny when you first came up after falling in. It looked like you had just had major sex." Amanda said, wiping her watering eyes.
"It felt like it too." Fuzzy grinned. They both burst out laughing. They sit down on the ground and Fuzzy wrung the rest of the water back into the lake and put his shirt back on. Both aliens to this land took deep breaths. Their sides ached, but it was worth it.
"We have to go let the team know that you're all right." pointed out the sensible one (hint: it wasn't Amanda).
"Maybe later, I don't want to go back there yet. It feels good to get away sometimes." she said, still not sitting up. After another second, she stretched out on the thick grass. Fuzzy stretched out on his side next to her. He put one arm around her and felt her body relax.
"Of course we don't have to leave now. Whenever you're ready love." Fuzzy said. He paused for minute, trying to decide what to say, then raised his head and looked over at her face.
"I didn't want to bring this back up, but it's scaring me. This taint with your magic is worrying me. What did you mean by barrowed time? You're not going to die on me are you?"
Amanda scowled for a second. Just when she'dbeen starting to relax too.
"No, I don't think I'm going to die... at least not from this. But if... when..."
"If." said Kurt firmly.
"...if this thing breaks loose, I won't exist anymore. Whoever's in my head will be..." she smiled, though it was not a pleasant one, "...will be like my child. It might have certain charateristics similar to mine, but it won't be me in any way but in the most warped." She snuggled closer to Fuzzy. Suddenly, she felt very cold, very vulnerable, and very scared. This time she didn't try to beat it back. What the hell, she didn't have to hide it anymore.
Kurt gave her a one-armed hug. "I didn't know you thought your children were warped." he commented. Amanda let an almost involuntary giggle slip, and returned the hug.
"Thanks." Amanda sat up. "We're closer to Amalgam that we really should be." she muttered as Fuzzy's arm slid from around her and he sat up too. Amalgam was several kilometers away, but suddenly, Amanda felt very nervous.
"I didn't think of that." Kurt admitted. "We should leave. Not go back to camp if you don't want to, but at least go somewhere else." At his side, Amanda had shifted her gaze over towards the sun. It was nearly at its day's zenith.
"No... I think it would be a good idea for me to go back and face the music. Shot'll be pissed, but I can handle him. I'm still not really sorry about what I did to Nyn... but I know I owe her an apology at least."
Amanda stood up, brushed herself off, and offered a hand up to Fuzzy. Once he was on his feet, the opaque light of Amanda's teleport spell engulfed the both of them. They were deposited nearly a mile from Excalibur's home. Kurt raised an eyebrow at Mandy in a silent question.
"I'm going to need a little time to think about how to explain myself." she explained. "Maybe I'll be half finished by the time we get there."
"Okay... just don't take off again." he warned her. But it didn't really have the desired effect. How much weight can a warning carry when the delivery man is doing his best not to grin, and not having much luck?
Amanda placed her hand in his and firmly closed his fingers around her own. "There. Now there's no way I can possibly break away." she said solemnly. "As long as you're willing to hold on." The two of them looked at each other's faces for a long moment, and started walking towards their home.
The End