Timeline: After Zero Tolerance (Am I the only one who thought it ended badly?). The Professor is not back at the X-Mansion. Those X-Men who were in space have not yet returned to the team. Iceman is back but Dr. Reyes and Marrow are putting affairs in order before joining the team. And Maggot is not with the team.

Muir Island, Scotland

Piotr Nikoleivitch Rasputin was returning from Kinross. He had spent some time enjoying the opportunity to be by himself. And at the same time not having his teammates watching him like a ticking bomb. He was returning to his quarters when he heard sobbing coming from Meggan's room. The door was slightly open.

"Meggan? Are you well?" Piotr stuck his head inside.

He saw Meggan sitting at one of the desks with a letter in her hand. She was crying and rocking herself back and forth. Piotr walked the rest of the way in and went over to Meggan.

He took her in his arms. "Shhh, what is wrong? Tell me and I can help."

Meggan looked at him and handed the letter over. Piotr started to read it.

Dear Meggan,

I find it hard to say this but I have found another. In the time that I have known you, you have changed and I do not like it. I have found someone who loves me and that I myself can love. Please understand that while at one time I did love you, my feelings have changed. I can no longer deal with your clinging nature and your lack of sophistication. You hold me to you scared of my leaving, yet at other times you can't wait to push me away. You do not know the simplest of social graces and so how can I take you to see my peers? You are not the person I fell in love with. Why I felt I could love the child of gypsies, I will never know. We really have nothing in common and sex can not be the basis of a long-term relationship. Sell the ring and keep the money.

"Meggan? Are you well?" That was a stupid question, Piotr. Of course she isn't well, he thought. "Is there something I can do?"

Meggan hugged Piotr to her. When he wasn't armored, Meggan was much stronger than he was. "For now, just hold me."

"Of course, tovarischka. Anything I can do to help, just ask."

"Anything? Piotr... do you find me attractive?"

"Well to be honest, except for you being blonde, yes I do."

"Blonde doesn't do anything for you? How about this, then?" Meggan started changing her hair color and style. She then subconsciously started to change her form to that of Piotr's `ideal woman'. Her body started to change from Brian Braddock's ideal, that of a pneumatic blonde girl barely into her later teens, to an athletic woman with long dark hair and dusky skin.

Piotr found himself holding a very close copy of Nereel and Callisto in his arms. Piotr had difficulty finding his voice. "Meggan what did you do?"

Meggan looked down at herself. She then sat in Piotr's lap and put her arms around his neck. "How interesting. Your tastes are more mature than Brian's. You also like someone who doesn't defy gravity with every step."

Piotr had now even more trouble finding his voice. "Wha... wha... what is going on here? We should not do this, Meggan."

"Do what, Piotr? We haven't done anything... yet."

"I do not feel right being here with you like this, so soon after Brian sent you that letter."

"Piotr, forget about Brian. He left me several months ago, remember? The entire time you have been the friend I needed. Let me show you my appreciation of your friendship..." Meggan then leaned forward and started kissing Piotr.

"Meggan please stop."

"Do I scare you Piotr? Surely you have been with a woman before?" Meggan shifted in Piotr's lap. "Obviously not all of you is scared of me."

Piotr tried to get Meggan off his lap. But unless he were to change into his armored form, he didn't have the strength. Then he started to think.

Why should he stop Meggan? This was something that she wanted. And it had been a very long time for him... What harm could it do?

The Xavier Mansion, a day later

Jean Grey-Summer's was tired. She wanted to go take a long hot bath and then sleep. Scott was still at the Mansion with the rest of the team running Danger Room scenarios.

The lights in the boat house were out when she walked in the front door. She scanned the room just in case but found nothing. Jean walked in and got halfway across the room before the lights came on. Sitting on the floor was Piotr Nikoleivitch Rasputin, the former X-Man known as Colossus. He was in his steel form.

"Piotr, aren't you supposed to be on Muir Island?"

"I no longer have a place there. I have come to ask of you a favor." Piotr's voice was distant, emotionless.

"Why do you no longer have a place there, Piotr? Did you attack Pete again?" Jean was worried, Muir Island hadn't told them of any problems.

"No, I have not attacked Pete Wisdom again. That was a one time thing. I have had a difficulty in blending in with the team."

"What happened, Piotr?"

"Meggan and I were making love. Kitty walked in and Meggan did not react well to Kitty showing up. She overreacted, Kitty thought I had reverted to my psychotic self and the team attacked me. After they calmed down, they realized they were wrong. I left on the first flight out I could get."

"Why didn't you stay, Piotr? They admitted that they had made the mistake." *Scott, get the team. Be quiet about it but come down to the boat house, quickly. Piotr left Excalibur after a misunderstanding.*

*Jean, is he attacking you?*

*No, we're talking. Get everybody and hurry up!*

"I have tried with all my will to overcome the depression that I know I suffer from. To go beyond the genetic melancholy of my people. And yet, they refuse to believe in my having changed, that I have relearned control. I am tired, Jean. So tired. You knew me as I was as Peter Nicholas. I helped you against Masque. Can you help me?"

"Why didn't you stay?"

"I wanted to. But Kurt told me that it was wrong of me to push my feelings onto Meggan at a time when she was vulnerable. Kitty accused me of taking advantage of Meggan. Since, as she put it `the word no and Meggan rarely go in the same sentence.' That they believed I was wrong, I could understand. But to force a woman to have sex... And their lack of trust in me and my having changed for the better. What did I work for if they will not trust me?"

*Scott, get Sam to call up Muir Island. Is X-Force around as well?*

*I got Sam calling Muir Island. X-Force is on a mission. How bad is it?*

*It isn't good, Scott. He looks worse than when Illyana died.*

"What did you do then, Piotr?"

"I left as soon as I could. Moira gave me money for a ticket to New York. I got a ride from the airport to here from a man who owed me a favor."

"You mentioned when you were Peter Nicholas. What is it you want?"

"I want you to reverse what Xavier did to me. I wish to become Peter Nicholas again and quit this life. Will you do this?"

"I don't know if I can. I might lobotomize you, Piotr."

"Or you might succeed. Will you do this?"

"No. I'm sorry, but I will not. You need help Piotr. You can't run from your problems. I know some people who could help..."

"Thank you, Jean but no. I did not want to do this." Piotr then crushed a glass vial in his hands. The room filled with gas.

"Piotr, what is thissss..." Jean fell unconscious.

"I am sorry, Jean. This will not kill you, but it will prevent you from keeping me from leaving." Piotr got up and picked Jean off the floor. Then he placed her on the couch. He then walked towards the front door.

Sam came flying out to where Cyclops was waiting outside the boat house.

"Cyclops, we got a problem, suh. Seems Meggan got a letter from Brian. The details get murky from there but it seems that Colossus and Meggan were doing something and Kitty walked in."

"So why did he come here?" Scott wondered.

"I could talk to him. Try and get him to talk through this with me." Ororo said from beside Scott.

Logan spoke up from where he was. "He's coming out, Cyke. Alone."

Colossus walked through the door then out into the yard where the X-Men were. He looked over the ones that were there. Cannonball, Cyclops, Wolverine, Storm, Psylocke, Archangel and Iceman.

Cyclops stepped forward. "Piotr, you have to relax. Kurt and the other's are on their way. They'll take you back to Muir Island. Just calm down."

"You think I came here for attention? To have the X-Men tell Excalibur to take me back because no one else should have me? No, Scott. That is not why I am here."

"Then why are you here, Piotr?" Storm asked.

"Ororo, I came here so Jean could restructure my mind back into that of Peter Nicholas. She said she will not do that. Betsy has not the power and I don't know Frost well enough."

"So what do you want now, Petey?"

"I want you to leave me alone. Stand out of my way. Let me pass."

"Kitty why did you walk into Meggan's room without knocking? Why did you not respect her privacy?"

"I thought I heard her in pain, Kurt. I thought she needed help. I didn't know Piotr was there."

"Fine. Then why did you go into hysterics, Meggan?"

"I picked up on Kitty's rage, Piotr's shock and I panicked. He didn't do anything I didn't want him to do. The rest of you showing up and jumping to conclusions didn't help either."

"So we just set Piotr back several years in his recovery. And he was doing so well. He was painting again and actually smiling. Wundebar, I just traumatized my friend." Kurt looked at Meggan again. Although he didn't want to admit it, he found this form better than the one Brian made her parade around in. Kurt found it was surprising, and more than a little interesting, that the younger of the two men in Meggan's life was the one with the more mature and natural taste in women.

"He didn't have to leave, Kurt."

"Why should he have stayed? I'm worried about his state of mind. Sam said he was talking to Jean, maybe he needed someone besides us to talk to."

"Kurt, we'll be at the Mansion in ten minutes."

"Very good, Rahne."

"It won't happen. We can't just let you leave. What did you do to Jean?"

"She is sleeping, Scott. Since you will not let me leave, I must force the issue." Piotr lunged forward and grabbed Bobby. Before Bobby could react, Piotr threw him in a parabolic arc into the forest.

"Warren, check Bobby! Piotr, stop this!"

"No, Ororo I will not. Stand out of my way. Let me leave."

Cyclops looked over to Sam. "Take him down. The rest of us are just an aggravation until Bobby comes back."

Sam activated his blast field and rocketed towards Colossus. Sam noticed that Colossus wasn't trying to dodge. In fact he wasn't moving at all. Sam got within 3 yards of Colossus when Piotr shifted from his metallic to flesh form.

Sam barely managed to pull out of his attack. He stopped in front of Piotr and turned off his blast field. "What are yuh, nuts? Ah coulda killed yuh!"

"I know." Piotr hit Sam with a left to the body then a right cross. Sam went down. Piotr immediately shifted back to his armored form and caught Wolverine out of the air.

"I want to be alone, Logan. Surely you of all the X-Men can understand that?" Piotr then threw Wolverine across the mansion grounds. Wolverine bounced several times then got back up.

"Little brother, you must stop this. This is not the way." Ororo pleaded.

"Perhaps not. Perhaps it is the only way I have left." Piotr then stepped to the side as Psylocke attempted to nail him with her psychic knife. Piotr grabbed her and held her at arm's length.

"Hello, Betsy. Why are you trying to stop me?"

Ever since Betsy had been touched by the Crimson Dawn, she had withdrawn emotionally. But even she was saddened by the dead look in Piotr's eyes. By the complete lack of anything resembling emotion in his voice.

"Piotr, please. Let us help you."

"No, I have had enough of this life. Since I cannot have what I once had then I want nothing at all."

Storm dropped to the ground beside him. "Piotr, none of us want you hurt. We all want to help you."

"This is ridiculous." Piotr put Betsy down and ran into the lake. Within seconds he was lost from view.

The Midnight Runner landed on the front lawn of the Mansion. Meggan was the first one out.

"Where's Piotr?" Meggan demanded.

Storm looked at the person who came out of the Midnight Runner. "Callisto?"

Scott looked as well. "Nereel?"

"Dani?" Sam chimed in.

"It's Meggan. The nose never lies. Like the look, kid." Logan told them.

"Meggan? You look great! Much better than... OW!" Sam howled as Storm slapped him in the back of the head.

"Please, where's Piotr?" Meggan again asked.

"He came, he talked, he kicked our ass. Then he left." Sam muttered, while rubbing his head.

"He went in the lake, Meggan. Come with me, we'll find him." Ororo told her.

"Thank you, Storm." The two of them flew off.

Rahne and Logan both started looking around the lake for a trail.

Kurt looked around. "He didn't break anything. He must be getting better."

Cyclops turned to Kurt. "We need to have a little talk. Bring Kitty with you."

Cyclops then went to the boat house to check on Jean. She was staggering outside by the time he came to the door. "Is Piotr still here?"

"No, Jean. He knocked us around then left. Why didn't you say you'd do as he asked and then knock him out?"

"I won't lie, Scott. Especially not to Piotr. He's been through enough. I won't betray him." Jean then looked at Kitty.

"He's had enough people do that to him."

Meggan and Storm found Logan and Rahne at the lakeshore. They landed beside them. Logan looked over to Storm. "He's still in the lake. Smart move actually. He doesn't breathe in his armored form. And none of us work well in water. Except maybe Bobby."

"Meggan, can ye do somethin'?" Rahne asked.

"I will try." Meggan then concentrated on the water.

Logan was watching the water when he saw a body float to the surface of the lake. "Son of a bitch! Meggan get him out of the lake!"

Meggan flew over to the body and dragged Piotr from the water. She then flew him to the lakeshore. Logan grabbed him from her and immediately started forcing the water from Piotr's lungs.

Logan looked over to Rahne. "Get help! MOVE!"

Logan pulled Piotr over onto his back. "Storm, you breathe, I'll do the compression's."

While the two were performing CPR, Meggan was standing beside them.

She was praying to a God she wasn't sure existed. She was praying that her mistake wouldn't cause this man to die.

There is a place that is there and yet not there. Some call it a gateway, other's a tunnel, some a threshold. It is the place where those who have died find themselves before they continue on. Piotr Rasputin found himself here.

"I do not understand. The Party taught there was nothing when you died. There is no God. I do not believe! I do not want this!"

"You may not believe in God but She believes in you." A quiet voice said from behind him.Turning Piotr saw a woman about his age with blonde hair and blue eyes. She stepped forward and took his hands in hers. "Sit down, Piotr. We need to talk."

Piotr barely managed to speak. "Snowflake?"

Jean Grey-Summers, Psylocke, Nightcrawler, Cyclops, Shadowcat and Pete Wisdom followed Wolfsbane back to where Piotr was. Logan and Ororo were still performing CPR. Meggan was still by them, praying.

Jean scanned Piotr's mind. "You may as well stop. There's nothing more you can do. He's gone."

Neither Storm nor Logan stopped. Logan was muttering the entire time he was compressing Piotr's chest. "Breathe, dammit. Breathe."

"Logan, stop. He's dead. He's not coming back no matter how much you want it." Scott told him.

"The water's cold. He might have just gone into a type of stasis. I've seen it many times up North. Breathe, dammit!"

Kitty stepped up next to Logan. She put a hand on his shoulder. "He's gone. Let him go. It's what he wanted."

"You are older, Yanna. As old as me? How?"

"It is part of why I am here, Piotr. You remember Doug?" A blonde man came out of the shadows. Although older, he looked sufficiently like Douglas Ramsey for Piotr to recognize him.

"I am dead then?"

"Not exactly. You have a choice, Piotr. You can continue on and take the chance you won't get an afterlife you will enjoy." Ramsey told him.

"What do you mean, Doug?"

"You haven't been the best of person's. It is understood that some of what occurred was not your fault. But some of it is. You aren't as nice a person as you could and should have been. You did not have to join Magneto. When you were with him you did not have to betray him. You did not have to assault Pete Wisdom."

"What is my other choice?"

"You go back. Accept what has happened and go on."

"I do not know if I can. I have done so much."

"If you decide to return, talk to Meggan. There is much more you can do still with your life, Piotr. The only one stopping you from becoming more is yourself."

"Piotr, Meggan needs you. Every other person in her life has left her. Do you want her hurt more than she already is?" Doug said.

"No."

Illyana spoke up. "I know what Kitty said hurt you. I know that the other's believing it was possible for you to do this hurt more. They know they are wrong. If you can show that you can forgive them, they can start to forgive you. And you have much to be forgiven for. Be strong, Piotr. For Meggan. If for nothing else, be strong for her.""She can help you, Piotr. She is a better match than anyone else you have expressed an interest in. Or who has expressed an interest in you. Her only drawback is you have to stay near the British Isles most of your life. But it would be a life you could enjoy."

"Piotr, you are my brother and I know you. Mikhail losing his mind and acting like Apocalypse hurt you more than you would ever admit. Your not being there when I died nearly destroyed you. But you can learn from this. You have the chance to do more and be more. This is now your choice. We will say nothing more until you decide. Do you continue or do you go back? Choose now."

Logan and Storm stopped performing CPR. It had been sixteen minutes since they had first started. Ororo stood up. She looked at Kitty. Then at Kurt.

"I will speak with you two later. For now leave us alone, please."

"I didn't want him to die, Storm. I never thought he'd do this."

Logan looked over at one of the three people he thought of as a daughter. "Kitty, just go. Take Wisdom with you. We'll meet back at the mansion."

Kitty grabbed Pete's arm and started back. After a moment, Kurt followed.

"Jean, I'll leave the four of you alone for now. Bring the body back when you're ready." Scott then went after Kurt.

"These are my choices... Go back or take my chances in the afterlife? Then I choose this...."

Meggan was holding Piotr and crying. She then felt her tears being wiped away by a hand. "Piotr, stop it. I'm mourning you, you big silly."

"All right..." Piotr whispered.

Meggan thought about that for a second. "Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"I got better. Why does my chest hurt so much? And I have this taste of cinnamon in my mouth..."

"Storm and Wolverine did CPR on you."

"Please tell me it was Storm who breathed for me. Although if it was Logan, I can see why so many women fall for him. He tastes good."

Jean and Storm tried not to laugh at the remark.

"Storm breathed for you, silly. Why aren't you dead?"

"I came back for you. I was told that you needed me."

"You came back for me? Wow..."

In the distance they could hear the howl of another plane landing. Several minutes later Betsy was seen leading her brother to the lake.

Brian ran over to Meggan. "Meggan, it was a mistake. I never wrote the letter. I'm not lying. Jean you can scan me to show Meggan the truth."

"Yes, I can." Jean concentrated for a few moments.

"It's true. He didn't write the letter. It was a ploy by the remains of the London Hellfire Club."

Before Jean could finish Meggan had launched herself into Brian's arms. The two started to go back to Brian's plane. Brian's voice could be heard coming back to them. "What shape is this, Meggan? It's ugly. Go back to the other one."

"Yes, Brian..."

"Much better. Without me around you sure are helpless aren't you? Better be glad I came back."

"Yes, Brian. I'm glad you came back..."

"I swear, without me you'd still be an ugly little changeling who no one would want. And another thing..."

Piotr staggered to his feet. He watched the two until the darkness swallowed them up. Piotr shifted to his armored form and walked in the opposite direction of where Brian and Meggan had gone.

"Piotr?"

"Yes, Jean?"

"What are you going to do now?"

"Something else. Please do not follow me."

They watched him go. He never once looked back.

The two figures watched the man turn his back on his remaining friends. Watched him walk away from the life he had been chosen for. And they laughed.

The feelings coming from the man, enriched them. For they had finally won. Despair had won. D'spayre had emerged victorious.

D'spayre turned to the other figure. "Thank you dear sister for a most enjoyable evening. Be strong, Piotr. For Meggan. Be strong for her. How could you say those things and not laugh, Spite?"

"It wasn't easy. I liked the lust you incited in the girl on the island. Then your playing the emotions of that big lug. Even better was the subtle twinges you gave to everyone else. Just enough to make them seem normal, but with just the right juice to make them over-react. Pure genius. By the way, do you now forgive me for trying to kill you?"

"Yes, dear sister I forgive you. Have some fun, I'll call you when I need you."

Spite disappeared. D'spayre checked the progress of Colossus. He was still emanating feelings of loss. D'spayre chuckled one more time.

"This is much easier when I target one at a time. Who's next? Hmmm, the one who turns to ice. He has a liking of the White Queen? Yet he also likes the new one, Dr. Cecilia Reyes. Perfect..."