Sinister was excited even though he didn't show it.
He finally had a fool proof plan to capture Jean Grey. He had a machine that would capture her mind, and what the stupid X-men wanted to do with her body was of no concern to him. He just needed a way to lure her here. That was almost too easy.
He called in his 'Levolents "Go to New York City and kidnap some people and destroy something. Make sure they know it's you." He turned back to his new machine as they filed out.
It never hurt to double check everything.
The only other person in the room was the 'Levolent that would help him carry out his evil plan. Arcane sat in a chair in the corner stiff and straight, but she would be more than willing to help him when the time came.
They entered the room at a dead run and fell to the floor as their feet slipped out from under them. They landed in a tangled heap in the floor.
As they were falling Wolverine managed to "accidentally" punch Scott in the mouth. They struggled for a moment trying to untangle themselves, but it wasn't working.
Jean finally froze the others telepathically so she could get out from under them and check Cerebro. The others were still tangled in the doorway.
"Hey! Wolverine that hurt." Scott's voice was high and squeaky because Wolverine had once again "accidentally" kicked him in the crotch.
"Sorry, bub it was an accident, I meant to hit you here." Wolverine punched him in the jaw. "
Hey if you guys would, like, hold still I could get out." They ignored Jubilee and kept "accidentally" hitting each other.
Wolverine managed to hit Cyke on the jaw for the fourth time, and he was sick of it. "Alright I'm warning you (oof, Wolvie punched him in the stomach), If you don't quit (bam in the jaw again) Don't make me hurt you (Pow, in the chest) (Crunch, on the jaw) "Alright that's it (bam on the jaw)" Cyke said as he raised his hand to his rose colored visor ready to blast Wolvie into next week, when he suddenly couldn't move.
Wolverine managed to punch him on the jaw again before he also froze.
Jubilee slipped her way to where Jean sat "Man Jean you waxed the floor again didn't you? That's the third time this week."
Jean grinned,"Actually it's the fifth, but who's counting? It's the only thing I do that those two won't stand around and bug me. And as for you two," Jean's voice was filled with anger, "until you start acting your age your going to stay on that floor. You should be ashamed of yourselves, grown men acting like children while the 'Levolents kidnap innocent people and destroy public property."
Jubilee quit popping her gum to ask, "Really where?"
"They are destroying the mall right now."
"NO!! THEY COULDN'T, THEY WOULDN'T NOT THE MALL. We have to get down there and stop them before they ruin that dress I saw. By the way if the dress is still there can I get it?" J
ean smiled at her, "Yes, but if we don't hurry there won't BE a mall to go to."
They stood and slipped and slid to the door. They stepped over Wolverine and Scott disdainfully. Jean released them when she was on the other side. They stayed on the floor glaring at each other trying to decide if they should continue the fight now or later.
"If you two don't knock it off and come on I'll...I'll." She paused and smiled sweetly, "Scott you'll be sleeping outside, and Logan you won't be on any missions for a month and you'll clean the kitchen for a week."
Wolverine growled while Scott turned bright red, but they both got up and followed Jean to the Blackbird.
They got in a shove fight over who got to go in the plane first, and who got to fly it, but otherwise they straightened up.
I love them both, but sometimes they get on my nerves. I just want to abandon them in some far off country when they get like this, Jean thought to herself.
The rest of the team were on vacation in Hawaii, leaving them behind as the emergency team. When they traded positions and she got to Hawaii she was stealing Logan and Scott's credit card's and taking Jubilee on a week long shopping trip. That should teach them.
All the people were gone and the mall was a big pile of rubble. Nothing was left standing. Jubilee was chewing Wolverine out for wasting time, but she stopped suddenly in the middle of her lecture to run to the wreckage. Jean held her breath hoping she had found a clue, but released it disappointedly when Jubilee returned.
Jubes was holding out a green velvet dress, and was beside herself with joy, "This is the dress I told you about, isn't it just, like, the coolest! Where do I pay?". Jean shook her head.
"Wait darlin, there's somethin pinned to the front of it." Jean and Jubilee both looked at him in shock, that was the first sentence he'd said all week that wasn't insulting Scott, or complaining. He looked a little embarrassed.
"It's a note." Scott happily stated the obvious.
Wolverine glared at him," I think Jubilee would say 'Duh', you couldn't get more obvious Slim."
Jean ignored their bickering and unpinned the note from the dress and attempted to read it outloud:
X-men This iz the Malevolents. We hav cidnaped som peopl. If yu don't com to 1153 Villain Lane, Evilville, New York rite away Sinister wil do somthin relly bad to them. They won't lik it. We wer the ones that wreked the mail. The MALEVOLENT'S P.s. Don't bring Jean Grey, she would beet us.
Okay, this is Venom, unofficial spokesperson for the Malevolent's.
I just wanted to tell all you gullible readers out there that all the members
of this group have an extensive education. We have all been through collage,
and many of us are doctors and lawyers. I find it offensive that just because
we are the "bad guys" we get stuck with the stereotype that we are stupid. Thank you.
"What do you think of it Scott." Jean glanced at her husband when she said this. "
I think that the Malevolents wreaked the mall, Sinister is on Villains Lane with the kidnapped people, and that someone forgot to teach the 'Levolents how to spell." Scott said all this with a proud, smug superiority.
Wolverine rolled his eyes, and Jean could hear him mumbling something about Scott's drug addict parents dropping him on his head.
Now it was her turn to roll her eyes as she turned and walked in the plane.
She turned around to find Logan and Scott already in a shove fight again. Jubilee was happily singing in the plane's bathroom trying on her new dress.
Jean walked to the pilot's seat determined to stop the 'Levolents even if no one else would help her.
Scott and Logan stared after the plane in shock, they couldn't believe Jean would just leave them like that. Logan shook his head and glanced at Scott. He was still staring in shock, with his mouth hanging open. Logan grinned and decided to help him close it, he sucker punched him on his already bruised and swollen jaw, again. They both quickly forgot all about Jean leaving, because they were in a knock-out-drag-out fight in no time.
he walked in cautiously leaving Jubes in the bathroom still singing her heart out. She was immediately attacked by the 'Levolents while Sinister stood behind them watching closely.
There were too many of them, she didn't have a chance... unless...
"HOLD IT, now didn't you know that before a fight you have to answer one of your opponents questions?"
They thought it over for a while then suddenly this big snake-like creature stepped forward "Answer our question first, Why do we work for Sinister?"
Jean thought frantically, she even tried cheating, but their minds were blocked. Then she blurted out "Because he let's you stay up past your bedtime." suddenly on impulse.
This is Venom again, and I completely agree with Jean, that reason is absurd and definitely NOT the truth.
The snake thing nodded "Correct. Now what is yours?"
She grinned evilly, "What is....one plus one?" The 'Levolents paused stood scratching their heads, thinking. One by one they began to pass out.
"No, quit thinking you imbeciles." Sinister yelled at them frantically, but he only confused them more, they began to explode now under the strain.
Jean ignored them and stepped toward Sinister.
"Stay back" he had a box in his hands. He smiled at her triumphantly, "Now your mind is MINE." he said as he pressed a button on the box. Then they both passed out in the dark warehouse among the exploded bodies of Sinister's 'Levolents.
She looked up and saw her body a few feet away. Oh God, not this, anything
but this. She stood and looked at the sky and screamed in rage: WHEN
I GET MYHANDS ON YOU, YOU'LL NEVER WRITE AGAIN!!!! YOU ARE GONNA REGRET THIS!! I'M GOING TO RIP OFF YOUR ARMS AND BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THEM!!
YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN A WORLD OF HURT DO YOU HEAR ME YOUR MINE!! WHEN THIS IS OVER YOU'LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER CHARACTER AGAIN YOU STUPID (BEEPINGBEEPWITHYOUR
BEEPBEEPBEEP.)
Sinister woke up with a splitting headache. He could hear a grating voice screaming profanities. He was going to have to kill whoever it was because they were making his headache worse.
Then he remembered what had happened and stood up quickly. He stopped in shock as he felt something flop on his chest he looked down. Only to see...spandex, and lot's of it, and breasts,and high-heeled boots.
He WAS A WOMAN.
His mind blanked. He had done lot's of things, and had lot's of things done to him, but nothing like THIS! He looked at the screaming man across from him, and realized that must be Jean Grey, he couldn't help it he giggled (yes giggled) a little, but it turned into hysterical laughter that wouldn't stop...Jean a MAN! hahaheeheehahaha. A MAN hahaha.
He/she was glaring at her/him. He/she couldn't stop laughing though,and Jean took a menacing step towards him/her.
"GET OUTTA MY BODY!!!" She/he screamed at him
"I can't Jean, the writer won't let us. Don't be so mad it's kinda funny, I mean your a man and I'm a woman in spandex hahaha." She /he smiled a little, he only giggled again. Then She/he started laughing too, and they collapsed onto each other helplessly laughing.
Jean looked shocked, "Where are you going?"
The snake thing looked back at her "We're going across the street for a beer, wanna come?"
Jean smiled weakly, "Um, no thanks. What's going on here?" she asked Sinister who was still in her body.
He/she smiled a little, "An intermission,"he told her pointing at the sign, "That writer had to get a drink most likely. We probably have five minutes of free time before she comes back."
Jean stood there shocked for a moment, then lifted a wondering finger to her new face. Sliding it down Her/his nose, She/he looked at it and stared in shock. Her/his finger was now covered in thick oily white makeup. Her/his hands rose to the red diamond on Her/his forehead, feeling the edges. It peeled away easily. She/he stared at Sinister curiously.
He/she shrugged "For my image." was his explanation.
"Is there a bathroom around here?"
He pointed to the back, "Third door to the right." She turned and hurried to the back. Sinister just rolled his eyes and went to look for a mirror.
Logan and Scott had just arrived when the intermission hit.
They were both tired from their long run to get here in time, their spandex outfits were dark with sweat. They leaned against the plane to catch their breath.
Logan shook his head, "I'm gettin too old fer this, Slim." Cyke just nodded.
Jubilee walked out of the plane and looked the two men over. "You know if it hadn't been for the intermission you two would have been late." When they didn't respond she sighed and sauntered over to where Wolverine sat on the ground gasping for breath, and plopped down on his lap and kissed him. "
Your ruinin that dress." He told her. She rolled her eyes
"I love you enough to ruin a few dresses, and besides I hate this one."
"Oh" was the only response.
"So you guys ran the whole way?" She continued as they nodded,"you could have just taken the jeep, I parked it behind the plane. I knew you'd need it."
They groaned and Scott hit the plane then fell to the ground, clutching his hand and screaming in pain. "I broke my *beeping* hand."
Jubes laughed softly at him "You shouldn't have hit the plane, you dummy." She stood suddenly straightening out the dress that now had wet patches from Wolverine. "Let's go have a beer before anymore of this torture."
They walked slowly into the bar, which was crowded with the 'Levolent's and a big group of one foot tall orange and purple colored unicorns sitting on bar stools smoking cigars, and drinking whiskey.
Scott walked up to the nearest one "You know this bar is only for HER (the writer) characters, you aren't in this story later are you?" He was holding his broken hand and praying to any God that would listen.
"No" was the musical reply and he sighed with relief. "No we're in the sequel, just thought we'd come see our costars, we'll be leaving now." And with that the thirty or so unicorns trotted out, all with cigars clenched between their teeth.
Scott sagged against the bar, " Oh Lord, just shoot me."
Wolverine patted his arm sympathetically and shook his head, "If that's the SEQUEL I don't want to know what's coming next." They all groaned and ordered beers, planning on having a good time until the INTERMISSION ended.
She/he smiled at Him/her and ticked things off on her fingers: "Face makeup, contacts, stickon red diamond, built up suit of armor, colored hair, all fake."
He/she only nodded and studied himself. He wasn't a small man, but he wasn't as muscular as the suit made him. He had plain blue eyes and brown hair, nothing dramatic or fear inspiring about that. His complexion was tanned with no unsightly blemishes (such as a red diamond), he was really quite normal looking.
He glared at her, "Your one to talk, these aren't even real" he said this cupping His/her over-ample bosom.
"Well it's easier to handle, at least I didn't get implants like a certain Southern Belle I know."
He nodded, conceding the point. "What color is your hair really, Jean?" J
ean thought hard for a moment, "Um, I think blond, It's been awhile though."
Sinister glanced at a wall clock "Oh my, look at the time, the writer will be back soon. Quick go put my makeup back on."
Jean ran for the bathroom.
She paused as he interrupted her, "Please, call me Jon. My real name is Jonathan Essex."
"Okay Jon, what are these strap thingies on your back?"
He paused, then said sullenly "A cape." he scowled as she started laughing. "Look," he was trying anything to distract her, "we could trade back until the writer gets back."
She stopped laughing and nodded, they both concentrated awhile. After a moment of disorientation Jean sighed, "I love my body...no offense."
He nodded absently, trying to discreetly remove the cape, and not doing a very good job of it. She smiled slightly when she saw what he was doing and stepped behind him to reach the clasp he was having so much trouble with. When it finally came lose he tossed the bundle of shredded leather in a corner and turned to face Jean.
He paused a moment uncertain of himself, "You know Jean, I really like you...for you that is, not your, um, looks." She smiled at him and stepped closer.
She couldn't believe this, but then, losing herself in his warm blue eyes, maybe she could. "I forgot the contacts." she said softly, barely above a whisper.
He mumbled something and bent down to kiss her passionately, and was pleasantly surprised when she returned it with equal, possibly even more, passion. They broke away.
"I think I could fall in love with you so easily, if you gave me a chance, that is." Well that was brilliant Sinny, chase her off by getting to serious. And in the middle of a job no less.
But he knew he would never have gotten the courage otherwise. He couldn't
think any more, standing this close to her was to much for him. He bent to kiss her again. They didn't even notice the slightly worse for wear 'Levolents file back in and lay down on the floor around them, dead again.
INTERMISSION OVER IN 4..3..2..1..
Wolverine and Scott bust down the door ready to fight
Sinister off Jean as usual, not ready for the shock of them lip locked.
They looked at Jean and Sinister making out in the middle of the exploded bodies of the long dead 'Levolents and...just...stared.
"Alright that's it, Jean, Sinny, break it up." Wolverine growled, a disgusted look on his face.
Jean and Sinister stopped and looked expectantly back at Wolverine.
"Okay, I know Sinny has been waiting for this for years, but I don't want to watch you make out in this stupid story. Now Jean start fighten him."
Sinister looked at him, "But I'm Jean."
Jean looked up, "I'm Sinister, imbecile."
Arcane jumped up out of the corner she'd been in the whole time, and not to be outdone screamed "Yeah and I'm...I'm...I'm APOCALYPSE, yeah that's it I'm Apocalypse, haha."
Wolverine shook his head, "Darlin' ya need ta cut back on tha sugar. I warned that screwy writer, the body switch is low, a little to low to put up with, and she did it anyway. It's time to put an end ta this." The rest nodded solemnly, concentrated, and then a bright white light flashed.
Screams could be heard emanating from the computers speakers and they were all laughing.
"What are ya'll doin?" Rogue asked curious, she hadn't seen them all buddy-buddy in a while.
Wolverine looked up with an unusually happy grin, and said "Oh just getting a little revenge." He laughed at a particularly loud scream
"No NO NOT THAT NOT THE BODY SWITCH NOO I WASN'T THAT BAD!!!"
"Is that tha writer?" at Wolverine's nod she grinned evilly. "Hey I have a few ideas...."
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