My fault. How come it's always my fault? I didn't ask not to be a gifted human, or mutant. I didn't ask to be raised by people that were, to be the biggest disappointment ever to my father. I just want to be me, April Spring Xavier nothing more and nothing less. But here, right now, I'm doing something I have done since -- well, since I can -- remember...I'm running. I know what you're thinking, the almighty -- Xavier's hath fallen? Impossible! Not so much as you'd think. The rain is pouring now, Ororo must be giving Dad a royal butt chewing. I know that Sam will blast by talk me into coming back but this time it won't work. The one that could make me come back is gone off on some mission or something.
Unlike every other time when Dad would put me down this one cut so deep. I've always had suspicions that I was his only regret in his life, and tonight's episode proved it. He hit me directly, saying how I was the complete opposite of everything he had worked for. I ran out of that room as fast as my feet could carry my "chubby" body. Jean ran after me, but she never expected to get a metal knife in her. I turned mutant, if that's how you could say it, a month ago. I wanted to surprise him with my ability, instead he got mad. That's what started this thing off, me being a disappointment. Want to know what the heck I'm talking about? Let me explain...
Mrs.Jean and Miss Rouge told me this story over and over, how my mom and father went through hell and back for each other. They meet during his time in the Hulkbuster Base, she was the physical therapist to him. After a few months of that, they eventually had feelings for each other. She busted him out of there, they moved into the mansion and then there came me. That's when things started to go south. Mom had real problems keeping anything down in the last weeks, that's when Dr. Hank told dad to choose between mom and me. Mom couldn't survive birth or the C- section, it was my fault that she had such a big heart, she of course choose to allow me a chance at life.
They say she held on just long enough to hold me once and give me my name. They also say that she died with me in her arms, I felt so guilty when they'd tell me that story. Mom and Dad where head over heels (so they say) for each other, but when the angels came to bring mom home- Dad wasn't there. She told them to tell him that she loved him and everything, crying as her last moments where coming. Mr. Logan says I look like her, even act like her. Dad shots me down though, saying that I don't look anything like her and I have no right to such praise. I know he's my father and all and I know that in the depths of my being that me blame myself for my mom.
And don't think that he doesn't blame me for it either. He does, always had always will. Some how he can take my every achievement, rip out my heart- tear it to shreds -wad it up and shot to the ground. Like the time I made him a Father's Day card when I was six, I was so proud of it. It was blue and gold with two stick people on the front surrounded by bright flowers, on the inside I tried very hard to write " I love you Daddy, Happy Father's Day". Then when I gave it to him, all he did was say that I should write more legibly and not waste important study time with silly things. I sprung into tears as my heart sank into my stomach, he had done it again. Why did I let him get to me so much?
I started to avoid him after that at least I tried to, it was kind of hard since my room was right next to his. With a joining door, it was a gift to mom. It was to be always my room, decorated in rabbits for the longest time. Dad said that my mom poured hours into making the room just the way she thought it should be. He only told me that once, when I was eight I caught a smile on his lips but then it disappeared quickly. Throwing me an ice-cold look he left me.
You think that's the end? It's not, I'm not on the skinniest people that ever lived list. I'm about thirty pounds too much for my height and age. Those being 5'7 and seventeen. Dad always frowns at me saying I need to start working out with the team before I die of a heart attack. Again I started to tear up, I tried to change to be everything he thought I should. I really did, but it was so hard living up to his expectations. About eight months ago, Dad started to spend a lot of time in Boston with the new generation of X-trainee's. I didn't think I 'd ever miss him, but late at night I'd find myself wondering into his bed and curling up in his blankets. Would you believe it if I told you that ever since that I started to cry myself asleep? I did, when he'd flown to Muir Island for a fortnight I would spend hours at night holding his pillow close to me.
For some one that's never there I never expected him to know. I fell asleep in his room one night, Jean told me that Dad wasn't due back for another week but he'd come home early. Upon finding me in his own bedroom he started to go off on how rude and irresponsible it was of me to even think of doing this. I didn't cry this time I was sick off crying like a baby in front of people, I waited till he dismissed me to my room, and then I broke down into tears.
A week after that horrible night I started to manifest my abilities. I realized I had this talent when I touched my silver ware and it would disappear somewhere. And soon bigger things started to go amiss, like scrap metal and junk heaps that Mr. About town LeBeau called cars. Only tonight did they reappeared, I just pointed and this knife like thing sprung out off my fingertips shooting into Mrs. Jean's arm. So that's my history in brief, right now the tears are mingling with the faint rain. I see my destination in site, the Wood Cut Bridge. About a hundred feet up off the group, with a wild overflowing river runs beneath it. It's beautiful, my best friend, Shatterstar brought me here many times.
I trip and fall and slid all the way to the bottom by the river, where 'Star had built a sort of shelter. I crawl up in there. Right now all I want to do is sleep, and hope that no one finds me until I can start running again. Oh God how I wish 'Star was hear right now. I loved it when he'd be there and tell me about all his battles, just because I was near some one that Dad wasn't. He would tell how he could never age, until a hundred years from now, seeing that he wouldn't even been born until then. Of course when I was thirteen I developed a major crush on him, over time I stopped fidgeting when he would come into the room and started to act like myself again.
Then when I turned sixteen he took me here, and we didn't come home until very late the next day. Dad was furious, even when he "talked" to 'Star in his office the household could hear him screaming at the top of his lungs. And Shatterstar stood there and took it, every word containing insults and every thing else. Then it was my turn to get on Dad's case for the first time in my life I stood up to my Dad. Screaming right back at him about how it was our lives and that he had no right to care about what did with them.
That day I set another gap between us, and for punishment 'Star went to Muir Island, not by his choice if I understood correctly it was under Dad's orders. I was so upset I cried for three days straight. I didn't eat for nearly a week and a half. When I finally emerged from my room, Dad was waiting. He sounded almost sympathetic when he told me that it was for the better of both of us. I started to cry all over again, Mrs. Jean came to me before I hit my knees. I never forgave him for separating Shatterstar and me.
We keep in touch, but I don't think he wants me anymore. Either he's rebuilt the wall it took him years to breakdown or Dad was talking to him. Dad, huh, what a silly word for the ice-cold man that sits waiting for me to come home. I never call him anything but sir, meaning nothing special to him. That's what I'd like to know, if he ever loved me as a daughter or just another student? He'll never tell, and I'll never ask. The sudden snapping of twigs tells me I'm no longer alone. Peering through a hole in the side I see it's--Scott?
He heads right to the make shift shelter, I drop my head pretending to be asleep before he comes. Through a slit in my eyes I can see him looking down at me, a faint smile comes to show on his face as a sigh of relief is realized. One arm behind my neck, one behind the bend of my knees and off we go. The rain is still falling, which is good considering a fresh batch of tears are starting to appear from my eyes. I'll have to face Dad pretty soon, and I _am_ afraid.
When I wake up from my heavy sleep, which I think I can thank Jean for, I'm not in my bed. I'm in a chair, a hard uncomfortable wood chair. I moan slightly lifting my head dropping my eyes from the ceiling right into my Dad's glare. I couldn't help myself by taking a quick startled breath. Then he starts to talk.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Is all he asks, while I can't get rid off the deer in the headlight look. My mind starts to race trying to think of one good answer to give him, instead I let slip the answer he deserves.
"Because I didn't think you'd care." His eyes flash with a hurt look for a moment, before he clears his voice and draw his interlaced fingers to his lips before continuing.
"Why wouldn't I care, April?" His voice is still strong for someone his age. Still strong and still can chill you to the bone.
"You never did before, sir." I answer him again pain flashes through his eyes. Even if they are shards of ice lost in a three day long blizzard in Alaska, they showed pain. A minute flies by, and still he says nothing nor does he break our eye contact. He just continues to stare in my eyes as I do his. After a while he reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out an envelope. Breaking off from my curious glance he starts to open the envelope and pulls something out and stretches his hand forward handing it over to me.
Not really sure what to expect a reach out my own hand slowly, grabbing it I let the light hit the surface. It was blue and gold, ohmyGod, it was the card I'd given him eleven years ago. I look up from my trance on the card, and slowly gain my courage to look him in the eye. His hands now folded in his lap, and the pain reflected in his eyes like a beacon.
"Y-you keep it?" He smiles for the first time since dinner two nights ago, when Rachael and Faith (Mr. and Mrs. Bobby's daughter) put on a through together dance show for everyone. I remember where I am and I feel a small lump in the middle of my throat, my heart hit the floor when I recognized what he'd handed me. I felt so scared of what he might say, and at the same time so painfully responsible for him being lonely all this time.
"I _do_ care for you April, more than you'll ever know. I loved your mother, and I promised to take care of you. To do everything and anything to make you happy." He doesn't use a caring tone when he twists his arm to say it. I'm sick of feeling so guilty for screwing up his life. My voice is in tremors, my eyes are starting to brim with unshed tears, and again my heart shatters around his feet.
"But you don't love me do you? And," This will hurt him as much as he hurt me "when 'Star showed that he did love me, you were so scared because he might out shine you." My legs are like Jell-O, as soon as I put my head in my hands my tears began to fall all over again. I can't help it, the warm fluid soon starts to drip into my hands, all I can think of is our song, me and 'Stars. I hear Dad move around his desk and by my side. He gently guides me to him, letting me cry on his shoulder, wrapping his arms around me, stroking my hair.
"I never knew that you felt so much for him." is the only words he says. No he didn't, he doesn't know what it was like to grow up and to fall for the guy that you know wouldn't do I thing to hurt you. To sway in his arms with the tempo of a slow country song, or just to lay with him and stare up at the sky for hours content to be with each other. Then to finally here his voice whisper that he loves you into your ear. He didn't have a clue how it felt to cry your self to sleep every night missing the only one you loved. What it was like to miss your best friend. I finally start my tears, and look him in the face before speaking. Making sure my words are exactly what they sound like in my head
"Sir, I-I'm sorry." That was incredibly lame and unfeeling but it was something. Regaining my composure, I turn away from him. As I was starting to get up to go, he grabbed my wrist. I don't turn to him, but he speaks anyway.
"There's no need to be sorry, April." he paused for a second then started again "I want you to know that, I-"
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry for neglecting your feelings this evening. That is all." Letting go of my wrist he starts to maneuver behind his desk again. I almost reach the door before he floors me with what he says, "Go to him."
"Sir?" I didn't think I was hearing clearly. My Dad actually let me go do something that would make me happy? Impossible. Wasn't it?
"Tomorrow, I'm leaving for Muir Island I want you to accompany me. We'll be there for close to a month so pack plenty of clothes." My excitement rises fever pitch, I say "Yes sir!" and run to my room before he could change his mind. I don't pass anyone which is good, seeing that I didn't really want to explain my actions from tonight. I really shouldn't think that I would run into anybody, for as long as I can remember this part of the house was just for Dad.
So many things flood my head I fell like I'm going to pass out. I'm finally going to see him, my Dad is going to let me be happy. Dad never has done anything like this before. I really don't know what brought this change in him. I slowly fall to sleep after packing and dream of better things to come like 'Star holding me, or Dad smiling.
I was up and ready to go early the next morning, not that I slept that much anyway I was to excited about seeing HIM after a year. Dad looks like he was having regrets at breakfast, not that his facial expressions said anything but his eyes said "trouble" out loud to the whole room. After we left Westchester accompanied by Rictor and the Betsy and her new born Liddea. We flew over miles and miles of endless blue, white capped waters.
Lidea Worthington is the only possible child of Betsy and the recently deceased Warren Worthington. But I don't like to think about that. Not that Angel actually died, he was I guess 'reclaimed' by Apocalyspe about a eleven months ago sadly it was the same day she learned she was pregnant.
Dad seems so tense, like a wound bomb waiting to explode. Rictor is still (even for a thiry-five year old) cute, his wife thinks so too, they've known each other since they were teenagers. Julio and Rhane Richter. What a pair an earthquaker maker and a werewolf with two little boys, Doug and Phillip. They had a little girl Moria, but she died from SID Sudden Infant Death. Unlike some other people that would let them tear them apart they grew from it. And Rhane was taken from active duty again, she was pregnant, again.
Me? I hope Shatts waited for me. All the others think I'm making it seem that he actually has a personality, but I know he really is a great guy. Not saying that he cries when someone dies in the movies emotional but still he knows the different between humor and hate. I told that to Sam once and he just smiled. Wonder why? Everything was going fine, until there was a noticable shake.
"Were under attack!" Julio screamed from the cockpit. My heart sunk when the words started to make sense, Dad threw himself head first into the leader role. Barking off commands telling me and Betsy to watch out for any missels on the radar. Betsy looks as if she's about to cry, her baby girl starts to cry. Then the second rumble and shake blows a huge hole in the body of the plane directly behind me and Betsy. Her instints kick in, running to the back of the plane for Lidea. I've never been in something like this it was always everybody else's thing not mine!
"Dad there somebody coming up on the side!" I'm really starting to panick now, God how I wish 'Star was here! Three men jump out of the cargo hold of the plane flying parrallel to us now. Dressed in tight black and blue outfits, all men, all coming for me. The tallest one pulls a pin out of some kind of grenade, throwing it into the cockpit. I try to warn them, but my screams are choked off by someone's hands around my throat. The windows bare witness that the plane is going down fast. I hear Betsy screaming for mercy, then splatering of fluid. As soon as I let a tear escape my eye, blackness takes me over.
"And that's all I remember about the past two days, are you satisfied now?" April commented in mock bravery. Shivering against the freezing steel floor of her bared cell. Her capture kept his face in the dark the whole time of her story, listening to every detail.
"Hardly, but it's a start." steeping over to the light switch he clicked it and the room was veiled in darkness. The door opened to let him out and then slammed shut, leaving a frighten teenager in the dark. Maybe his weakness was indeed thinking that he knew everything about mutants. How to brake them, make them his wanting slaves, and to fight for his cause that breathed in deeper every day. After all he was, who he was...
"Good morning child." his deep voice boomed through out his cold, heartless lab. Though he was no telepath he could tell the difference between a sleeping and an acting body. April in turn shifted her body to face him, her surprise was evident when she saw him in full flush light.
"Joesph?" April choked out through a housred voice. He had come back to the X-men about two years ago, telling them that he had gotten his head straight and wasw ready to stand up for the side of angels. Angel of death is probable what he meant.
"If you like, most of the people you will see around here 'Lord', 'Master', or 'Magnus' but I guess I could make an exception for you, Spring."
"Why-y-y?" Magnus started to the cell, kneeling down to meet her face, he gently placed his hand on her cheek as he began to speak.
"You'll walk away from this unscathed, unless you do something stupid that is." He smiled at her that seemed to send ice through her veins.
"Why me..?"
"Your bait. Your father and fellow travlers will wake up soon and miss you. It'll take them a few weeks to pinpoint my location. During the mean time, I'm going to have tests run on you." April pulled herself away from his touch, and started to study his face looking for some explanation.
"There's...no _other_ reason?" she asked.
"I've been with your household for two years, sketching, and planning every possible move and motive for the X-men's attacks. Saving one of their own always seemed to put more passion in the fight." He started to turn and go, after a short decsion he turned to her again and stated "I had and have inside help."