DISCLAIMER: All characters featured in this story belong to Marvel Comics. The songs will be listed at the end because I'm too lazy to list them now. *G*

Notes: Please don't be mad at me for writing this rather than a new installment for Summer Destiny. My muse wouldn't let me play with the old story until I got the new one out of my head.

The Food of Love (or) Sorrow's Dreams

By Dawn Twilight


And yet it rained. The water did not stop for her, nor fall around her. Why would it? Its right to be there was greater than that which she was possessed of. The rain was cold, as it always was in those late, dead months before winter. Soon it would turn to snow and the world would be painted white, pure. A purity that her aching heart would never achieve. She knew that perhaps it had never been meant to be, but why should that have stopped her from trying? No, it wasn't fate that had stopped her. It was herself, her own fear. The fear that it would come to an end, as all things did.

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain 1
 
The songs always said it best, that you loved only to lose. But it wasn't fate that made you lose. No, never fate, if there even was such a thing. It was yourself, your own ambitions and fear. Your own inability to forgive even when the actions, in a past as dead as the chill of late autumn, deserved to be forgiven. She knew that now, knew it as she knew that the sun would rise in the East each morning and set in the West each night. Knew it as she knew that the roses would bloom and birds would sing and no matter what today may bring tomorrow brought another chance to make things right. But as she never thought of those things, she never thought of her own faults in the matters of the heart. Not until it was too late. And still she carried the torch in her heart. But torch was not the right word now. It was more like a candle, the flame smaller yet more concentrated. A candle that would never go out.

And you know you're never sure

But you're sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake
The place where you were born 2
 

Yes, she was at fault as much as, or more than, he had been. But that didn't change things now. Because though you could set things right if you tried, you could never go back to what had been. The past is over, and returning to what was is only visiting. The people may still be there, but no matter how much you wished for them to be exactly as they had once been, no matter how much you pretended that you believed they had not changed, they always did. Only in death was anything ever stationary. Except the pain. The pain was always there. The pain of loss, the pain of your own inability to forgive. To forget.

Speak to me in a language i can hear

Humour me before i have to go
Deep in thought i forgive everyone
As the cluttered streets greet me once again
I know i can't be late, supper's waiting on the table
Tomorrow's just an excuse away
So I pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own3
 

Yeah, you had to forgive. If you couldn't, you would always be alone. You would never have anyone by your side when it counted. But to forgive another, you had to learn to forgive yourself. Had she ever learned that? She could not forgive herself for this. For letting him slip away from her so easily, for not reaching out when she could. In this cold world, love was what mattered. She'd lost sight of that, and had turned away. Her own fault, but it hurt nonetheless. She'd had more than she could realize until it was finally gone.

We've got to hold on to what we've got

'Cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot 4

She sat there alone, dreaming of what had been and what might have been. The rain did not stop, nor did it part around her, as it had more right to be there than she. It just soaked her auburn-and-white hair, and mingled with her tears. It cared not for her sorrow-why would the rain worry about the emotions of a human? It just went about its business, never thinking of the woman sitting alone and dreaming of the man she'd once loved, seeing his eyes as those of an angel rather than a demon. The rain cared not for what was. It cared not for what might be. And, presently, the sun returned.

Credits:
 

1) November Rain by Guns 'n Roses. From the Use Your Illusion album.
2) Tonight, Tonight by the Smashing Pumpkins. From the Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness album.

3) Thirty-Three by the Smashing Pumpins. Also from the Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness album.

4) Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. From the Slippery When Wet album.

Questions? Comments? Criticisms?  Email me. Constructive criticism will be appreciated, flames will be ignored.

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